Current Mood: Sad..

Hmmm...Now I'm really starting to get curious at what 2010 has in store for me, the more I think about it, the more I'm depressed. It's so hard to get all these feelings out when I don't have a close best friend anymore (long story)...Well I mean, I was doing just fine, till things are getting a bit more...oh...Idk the word for it but...difficult? I was raised independently actually, so I thought I'd get used to it, I mean I did...but now it's pretty hard to. Well this is kinda depressing =/ ...It's only the beginning of 2010 but things are already starting to look bad -_-...Or maybe I'm just paranoid again. I only got this blog to express my feelings, but enough blabbing I'm gonna talk about what all is going on. So basically I got my new and own laptop finally, but the damn main PC in my brother's room crashed, so I can't hook up the wireless internet for my new laptop, therefore I'm stuck sitting in the computer room with the wireless thing hooked up working online rather than working offline & I can go anywhere with my laptop in the house T_T. Last night was pretty amazing actually but yet sort of depressing, full of guilt & smiles...I was talking to my old friend last night for like 2-3 hours straight on MySpace, he kept making me smile, even though he wasn't complimenting me or trying to flatter me at all. He told me that every time he talks to me even more, he starts to like me even more, he also told me that he's never really liked anyone this fast before & that he's going to wait for me. I felt happy yet guilty at that point in time...because I'm in a relationship..with a guy who would probably be hurt twice as much as he did before if I broke up with him knowing that I like another guy. I made a mistake. I keep making mistakes. I know I'm stupid..its just grrrrr. Now that all of this is happening to me...I'm afraid to go back to school for 2nd semester...I'm afraid the truth will all sooner or later be revealed & I will possibly soon lose my friends....again..:( I'm truthfully & honestly scared, I have no one to turn to therefore I'm doing this all alone, & I know that I need to. So it's alright...I'm strong enough to do this on my own. Hopefully. My friend wants to know if I'm the one...& I'm also curious to see if he's the one for me...I'm stuck & dead...on the inside. He also asked me to go to the movies with him sometime this week but Idk if I can or not since my parents are so gawd damn strict! & will hardly let me out of the house, & gives me limits on hanging out! Okay now I'm sad, mad, & depressed thanks..ugh. I am not going to like this year...=/ It's gonna turn out nasty, I can already sense it. >.< Good luck to me anyway.