Designer: Agnes
Base Code: Tammy
Image: Enakei
Image Host: Tinypic & Photobucket
NOTE**: I DO NOT OWN THE ICONS THAT ARE ON EACH OF MY POSTS, THE ICONS ARE CREDITED TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS, THANK YOU [CREDITS TO: K-pop Icons]
♥ Wednesday, March 31, 2010
"Things Can Still Take a sudden turn on a great, beautiful day"
Ehh...Things won't always turn out like you want it to. Even though today started out pretty great..IDK why LOL and I even started acting all high on the bus and stuff too. Things are starting to make a sudden turn for my two friends and I and also...me and the guy who likes me. 1st hour...I'm glad that my teacher told me such encouraging words...He told me I had talent and etc..It made me feel a lot better about myself....Maybe it's like a switch off? Things don't go good between the guy and I but on the other hand people are starting to change around me too...2nd hour..Idk if people were being honest or not yet again with my painting CONTROVERSY...One of the dudes said it looked like an anime girl, then the other dude came up to me and said that I painted the eyes real pretty, to me I think the eyes look HELLA creepy LOL. I should've done better T___T Anyway I'll fix it soon. My teacher also said it's looking good too...I guess I should learn to believe them? lol. 3rd hour,..I was starting to get headaches because of certain PEOPLE -___- couldn't concentrate and I think I have a quiz tomorrow but I'm not so sure. What also got me really happy is that I made it this far with the chameleon I'm making in ceramics class and I will be making the wings in a little bit too :D I feel proud of myself cuz I know this shit is gonna be EPIC lol. Well to me anyway haha. 4th hour...what should I say it was boring at first I couldn't stay awake till the teacher assigned us another project for a new book we're reading and so me and one of my friends formed a group and are gonna do a parody LOL. Anyway...I felt pretty bad telling my dad that I wasn't ready for the ACT...I mean..At least I was honest ..you know? But I'll STILL do my best. 4 day weekend HERE I COME. Painting will come home with me too. 
I'm so sorry my sweetie pie...I didn't mean to hurt you...It's just too much to explain right now :( I wish I could tell you more ..but I'm just too unsure and too stressed and overwhelmed right now...
♥ My World My Life
3:30 PM
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"Paranoia Kills"
Yesterday's Review:So I was so overwhelmed and pissed yesterday that I couldn't actually explain how I really felt yesterday during school. What happened was that...tensions started rising between my enemies and I...It's like as if ...people are just trying to lie to me...in order for me to back off and not try my best because well...in 2nd hour...when I was continuing to paint my eyes...the dude in my class that painted REALLY good and which he'll probably win 1st place or something at the Project's Fair...but yeah um..he said I was doing a good job...and I sat silent staring at him for like 5 seconds straight and I mean 5 seconds too! Because first of all, I was shocked he would say that to me...second of all I was surprised because mine did not look good at all and it was crap compared to his...even though I just started...but I just kept thinking to myself.."Is he just saying that so that I think that I'm doing really good but I'm actually not because he doesn't like me and doesn't want me to win anything...or is he really being honest or..is he just trying to be nice when it's like shit???" So I'm confused right there...then..what also caught my attention is that my friend who sits next to me in that class fudged up on his face by accident since he's colorblind and all..then our teacher came over and said it looks really good and I was like "........................-_____________-" So then I thought back to MY painting...and remembered when I asked for help with the background and she said it looks good...it just needs to be lighter...if I wanna make it lighter but it's good..she didn't help me..you know? Then I started thinking things again...like ..."Is she just saying that? Just to be nice? ...Because she doesn't wanna help me? Or maybe she really supports the art students and does not want me to win anything for the project's fair because I'm a science student..???" Bleh...I don't even know anymore...Paranoia kills...T_T...I mean I wanna win something for the Project's Fair...AT LEAST "Best Show"...BUT I doubt it...because even getting honorable mention won't help anything...really...well to me anyway...=/ But I'll keep trying and I won't give up..I'll PERFECT almost everything if I need to, in order to prove people wrong!.. and then during lunch...people kept staring at me...I didn't know why...I wish I brought my mirror.....MY MIRROR...HEHE I gotta bring with me today lol. I forgot yesterday lol..but anyways...Then I asked my best friend if there was anything on my face or if I looked awkward..and he said no...so then I was relieved..but still paranoid...T____T Nothing was on my face when I checked in the restroom mirror..so yeah...Idk..maybe it's because I curled my hair or something IDK but I've been curling it for the past week now -___- BLEH BLEH BLEH whateverrrrr. I'm always paranoid about everything, well let's see how today goes. Wish me luck..... :(
♥ My World My Life
3:57 AM
♥ Tuesday, March 30, 2010
"Watch out! You're in the 'No Go Zone', Sweetie!"
So it looks like I'm gonna be avoiding the drama for awhile, I meant the Korean drama lmao. People are pissing me off nowadays REAL easily, I've been stressed like a mofo and no one seems to respect me because of that. Sheesh, now my mom is starting to piss me off real bad too because she keeps telling me to do things when I have other things I need to do also! UGH I'm just sooo pissed right now that I was just about to go off on my mom...not on purpose. Today at school, I realized I am REALLY behind in 1st hour but hopefully the teacher is understanding since he's a really nice and easy goin' teacher and everybody likes him and all. I also realized that I WILL be behind on my painting so I will most likely end up taking it home,...I was hoping to take it home this weekend and next weekend but SHIT I got the ACT to practice for because it's the week after this week and I CANNOT AND I MEAN CANNOT lose and fall behind to the likes of her -___- I will DEFINITELY cry if I do...I know that she's been studying because of her mom and what not and she seems more determined now. I REALLY gotta learn to lay off the procrastination and the Korean music, news, and drama! Shit...Aghh...3rd hour, Got a C on my freakin quiz..thanks I won't be able to raise that B up...Falling greatly behind in that class as well. Then for 4th hour...I got this essay thing I was planning on writing today which I will probably do now, although it's for the test on thursday over the novel but I'm gonna do it now which would be much wiser since I have resources and I know I won't be able to use them while taking the test with the damn librarian WATCHING our EVERY move on the computer from HER computer and then she'll think I'm cheating. Hopefully she won't suspect me in doing that if I opened my e-mail during the test or something. Anyway, I gotta catch up..I'm so freakin' pissed, and now, I have no more hopes of doing good on the ACT whatsoever and I do not think I will end up getting the score that I at least wanna get :( Poor me...Send me prayers...please...
& so...in the end, the Ice cream man's truck is playing a happy song, bringing all the children along in the wonderful spring time, while THIS girl, sits in her room stuck to studying pissed at the world T____T *throws rocks at the truck and song ceases and dies* (LOL HARSH) :D
..............*dead silence...SAD FACE*
♥ My World My Life
3:29 PM
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Blah omg I'm tired....>.<...It's 5:42 AM in the morning and I thought I'd update since stuff are going on my mind.I realized I'm not cut out for being in a relationship at all right now, so I need to be smart and learn to say no...I'm just scared to...Then having to remember that my best friend thinks my "enemy" is nice just keeps bothering me. T____T Then I keep seeing my ex-best friend's comments on FB EVERYWHERE AGAIN NOW. It's bothering the living hell out of me. Luckily, 4 day weekend this week, I won't back down. While I was doing my makeup, I was thinking about WEIRD things...Like now I just realized why there are some gorgeous lookin' girls out there that date average or ugly lookin' guys...you know why? Because nowadays people consider personality more, so now most of the good lookin' guys are takin' by either ugly ass girls, or average lookin' ones....-___________- That sucks for us pretty girls though really...if you think about it. Because I mean...we were born pretty so we deserve a guy who's really cute, handsome and hot and just plain good lookin' right? It CANNOT GO THE OPPOSITE T_T...I'm kinda upset about that now lol....I didn't start thinkin' about that till I dated my recent ex...Yeah, I know personality counts more, but you're totally ignoring all the hot, gorgeous girls...-____-What happened to most of the guys who pay attention to girls who are really pretty?UGH IDK ANYMORE. Too EARLY to think about this stuff.Anyway time for breakfast :D*tired face*
♥ My World My Life
3:50 AM
♥ Monday, March 29, 2010
"You just don't know the rest of who I really am"
How I sometimes just wish people would get offa my back for once. 1st hour...now falling behind. 2nd hour falling behind also, and working hard on my painting more than ever now and gaining more inspiration after watching You're Beautiful. 3rd hour, teacher gave us a chance to work in partners or groups to work on our quiz once more before we turned it in. 4th hour...did the novel review game, watched the movie, then went to the library to do our vocab quiz. Novel test is this thursday and I'm gonna have to wanna type up maybe half or all of my essay Wednesday or thursday night and just send it to myself and copy and paste it on over lmao, HEHEHE >=D Got many kisses today. :) ACT comin' up soon still. No new kpop performances uploaded yet...boo...and now I'm watching Episode 8 of You're Beautiful, and my phone scares me every time it vibrates!! I'm gonna have to work on the ACT stuff tonight. At least some more. I talked to an old friend on the bus...and I knew that *EHEM* 'chick' was listening up front so I tried to keep my talking clean with her, but you know, she kept bashing on other peeps so I was just like snickering and stuff, I kept calm and acted cool so that she won't start shit with me and spread rumors about us. Even though if she did we would already know who the hell ratted on us, because other than us two there was only 3 other people on the bus, and I'm excluding the freshman dude sitting way behind us because he doesn't even know the people we're talking about first off, and second off I don't think he's like that, and if he was her and I would tell his ass off. & I'm hoping she won't either because me and my friend will say something to her probably. Well she would not me lol. But off to work wish me luck for tomorrow I'm exhausted!
♥ My World My Life
3:10 PM
♥ Sunday, March 28, 2010
"Love & Inspiration can take you anywhere in this world"
OMG Back to school tomorrow -___- BLEH. Lame. ACT in 2 weeks, process...35% complete lmao. I'll work on it more tomorrow. Gettin' my calculus quiz back tomorrow ehh...not psyched about that. English Vocab quiz tomorrow. Ew. Back to painting my stupid and ugly portrait painting that will turn out like crap. Just watched Secret's new comeback Teaser. It was HOT and awesome. I'm starting to become a fan. Currently watching "You're Beautiful" drama and LOVIN' IT! It's giving me hope for love, inspiration, and I'm influenced because of it! Gonna be more relieved and relaxed from now on and not gonna stress myself out too much! :D
♥ My World My Life
6:25 PM
♥ Saturday, March 27, 2010
Lol I NEVER usually update this much, it's just that everybody is just entertaining me with their stupidity SOO MUCH right now lol. I'm mean I know :D I'm watching like SNSD's Oh Dance covers on youtube,then this one dude comments on this one cover saying something like "Either you have no neck or you need to put your shoulders down."I'm like thinking (Or actually thinking of replying) "Either you're rude dumbass or just an asshole"Seriously? Like...she did her best in doing a dance cover & here you are bashing on her neck? wtf...Plus that has nothing to do with her dance cover you clueless little dumb bug you are :) Don't comment pointless shit on other people's vids, if you're gonna do that then....GTFO. :)
♥ My World My Life
9:35 PM
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"Once you say the wrong things, life turns you onto the wrong road"
So rather than being a bitch in person, and having all the karma blast its maximum powers on me, and all of a sudden turn my life like hell and make things go worse and totally bad (you get the idea)...I'm just gonna express myself here where no one will bitch at me. This blog is here to express myself with no person who actually knows me to be judging me on who I am. This blog...I am true to myself 100%. This is how I am. If you don't like me, get off of my blog and stop reading please. >.< But anyway...I'm kinda mad right now because one of my ex-close friends every since we stopped talking and stopped being friends, he's just acting all....like he's kool and popular. Well my friend told me that even he doesn't like him because he thinks he's better than everyone else, and I was like yeah he's been like that ever since. It's true, even when we were friends he was like that too. I didn't mind it really because him and I were kool and stuff like that. But now...it's all changed. =/ I mean like before our friendship got disconnected...he started acting all emo and quiet around me and then I just sorta let go because he wouldn't tell me what the hell was going on with him because I knew some things have changed but he just wouldn't talk to me, he claims that he wants to talk to me, but nope...he won't talk. So it just simply fustrates me and now me and my best friend call him emo. So like I have said before, I couldn't make it to the party last night, and I had no idea how the fuck he even got invited to the party since he doesn't even know the main people that well, I think the invitation just got thrown towards him, but anyway, I'm starting to see him damn comments everywhere on FB and it's starting to piss me off because he thinks he's so god damn kool and knows everybody so he be commenting on everyone's pictures and status's and shit and it's annoying the living hell out of me. It's like.."Can I please go onto FB without seeing your damn comments on these ppl's pics and status's?" Sheeshhhhh...I mean it's already sad enough that we both added like half of the same people from our school since our school is small and almost everybody knows everybody you know? Just because you got into one little party (it wasn't little at all...it was like one of those parties where LOTS of ppl get invited I just said that to add emphasis to what I'm trying to say ANYWAY)...Just because he got into one little party he thinks he's more popular now, all high and mighty YEAH RIGHT. & him and I used to be like TOTALLY the KPOP DUO at our school because we'd be rep'n the latest Fobby style/fashion, and then be talking about kpop all the time and listen to kpop all the time. Now he's all like "Eh..no so korean much anymore" like wtf? Yeah duh it's obvious it all happened because we're not friends anymore. But at least I'm still staying true to myself because Kpop follows me :) I am THAT supportive of Kpop I think it's the best genre of music out there. He can go be his lil weird ass self if he wants to. God. LOL and I got mad and replied towards him saying "I can see that going on" To me..Kpop represents us Asians in a good way A LOT. and I AM Asian so that means alot to me. They be rep'n us in a really good way, so I'm not gonna let go or "go against" my own culture or race.So I hope you get raped by a scary guy with an 18 inch penis :)
♥ My World My Life
9:09 PM
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Currently: 17!!! HAHA. :D"Another year gained, another year older"
So...today wasn't all that bad. Except for the love life relationship issue going on once again, it's like nearly a crisis in my eyes 0_0 so it finds out from the news today about the dude who went the wrong way on the kansas turnpike that died from the incident and killed along the korean family...His dumbass was drunk, after they tested him, the news said that his alcohol level was 3x higher than normal. Well, I'm glad his stupid ass died, sorry for being rude but this is almost the only time you'll hear me being this rude lol. So much for his ex-wife standing up for him lmao. Fail. Think it was only for the sake of their daughter. But he's a stupid dumbass just like the dude who set fire on the plane, ...GAWD it pisses me off every single time I hear or think about him. Like wtf...THANKS to HIM now the airports are TWICE as more strict and airplane tickets will cost TWICE as much more now to just travel. THANKS A LOT YOU STUPID DIPSHIT, I hope you burn in hell when you die, or at least let somebody who hates you with a deep burning passion and shoot you, or I'll do it. (This is a big crisis for me too since I travel every year). But yeah anywayyyy, I got over more than 30 notifications on FB from people telling me happy birthday and stuff, and I got a couple of messages through there and txt too. Also through phone, and in person from my family, and from this one really nice waitress lady who worked at the chinese buffet and she told my mom that I was pretty too :D :D hehehe. I get that a lot lol. Not trying to brag but yeaaaah. She's probably the 3rd asian lady this year who told my parents that LOL. 2 Koreans and 1 Chinese :)During the car ride..my parents told me to just not care about the people who were my friends that stopped caring, and just stop like being connected to them because theres no use in it. You're investing too much time with them and it's wasting your time, that's what my Dad said. So I'm listening to them because I agree with them. It's just too bad how you will never have friends that will truly understand you no matter what. I know that's true with me. But it's alright :)
♥ My World My Life
5:17 PM
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"The Truth really hurts"
I know that I've already grown distant from A LOT of people thoughout my entire life. It's normal and it doesn't really bother me that much anymore because when things happen, they're supposed to happen the way they are.Another thing that also probably influences it are the choices that I make. I let go of that precious friendship because I didn't feel like I could keep it up anymore, especially when she chose to not listen to me and my advices and would rather be a "bad" type of girl instead. I know that not everybody in my life is gonna like me, because we can't get along with everybody. Nowadays, I've been really paranoid...I just feel like as if something has happened...Like..maybe somebody spread a rumor about me that my true friends don't know about...making everybody think I'm the type of person that I am not....or maybe I'm just back to those old paranoid days again. Either way, I have no one to share it with because no one really believes me when I say it T__T It's alright though, yesterday on the bus I thought to myself, even though there are gonna be people out there talking about me behind my back and making fun of me, or whatever, it's best to just learn to ignore them because you're in control of your life and you need to live your life to the fullest and do what you think is right, rather than lsitening to what other people say!!! & even if I don't make it throughout college to be a doctor or whatever...I'll be a nurse or something, if I don't even make it there...I'll still live my life to it's fullest, and live a happy life and enjoy life the way it is, even though I won't earn a lot of money and stuff but still life is life you can't live your life in depression all the time, and waste half of your life striving at something that took you forever to get there but you ended up failing. I think people should just enjoy life and make the best out of it, life goes by faster than you think, and I obviously learned that through my high school years...I mean, hell, I only got one more year left till I graduate, who would've thought that it would've gone by so fast. Plus, it's almost the end of high school so people need to be more mature anyway, and grow up, we're about to graduate soon so yeah. We all need to grow up, but still, I don't even care anymore because I only got a year and 2 months left so it's all good. I'm just scared to get into college now...Bleh I'm definitely gonna have to do my best.
&...it's my birthday today...yet it doesn't feel like it at all. =/
♥ My World My Life
7:46 AM
♥ Friday, March 26, 2010
"Fustration can bring you to the dark side..."
I can't believe how fustrated I'm getting with my portrait painting. Maybe...because I'm not in an alone place where I can think and truly concentrate and all I hear in the background is "Omg, his painting is epic!" "Oh wow, yours is so good" "Whoa it really does look like him" Honestly, that makes me more paranoid about how my painting is gonna turn out and then that puts twice as much more peer pressure upon me as the tension rises. My friend told me that fustration will lead to anger, and anger will lead you to the dark side, and I don't disagree with him, lol, because he's right. I just need to keep that in mind. I mean it's just SO HARD to think when EVERYBODY is talking about how much they wanna win something or how good each other's work is, ...that sorta intimidates me, since I'm in the science magnet and I don't know how the painting will turn out. Bleh, I shouldn't worry =/ I maen when it comes to science I can most likely win, I just don't know about Art, this year will be my first year having my artwork in the project's fair...wish me luck....eh. Luckily, since the math quiz today was hella hard, our teacher was nice enough to give us a chance and work with somebody near the end of the hour because he realized no one has turned in the quiz yet and we only had 15-20 mins of class left, it was actually hard and confusing to understand, because of all the formulas and which one goes with which and you have to understand what the question is asking for too....in which case, I did not understand what it was asking for lmao. So, today in my 1st hour my friend asked me if I put blush on, and I said "no" then she told me it looks like it since my cheeks are always rosy, and I told her they're always naturally like that. Then I thought to myself, that usually when I'm on a diet or dieting too much, my cheeks never get rosy at all, it's usually candy that makes my cheeks rosy lol. Weird but it's a fact. Food involves in it too. Man...I'm just getting so stressed out about the ACT and everything else, I don't wanna make it seem like I'm gonna fail at both. I JUST BLAH ALSKJFFJLASKFJ!Well I'm gonna go watch something funny now, like...American Pie, and maybe Ninja Assasin later :D
♥ My World My Life
4:16 PM
♥ Thursday, March 25, 2010
"Creativity is the key in a piece of artwork"
Sometimes I just find it so necessary to perfect myself and be good at everything. Back when I was little, I limited myself too much, especially when my parents made me play the piano all the time. Now, I can see more of the world and I'm just so fascinated by almost everything, so now I'm wanting to almost try everything. Maybe...I'm sick or something...I don't know...but seems like once I try something and like it...I feel like I GOTTA be good at it, because I don't want people to look down on me at all. Now I'm just obsessed and crazy about being perfect and multi-talented. I guess it can be bad, it can lead to bad things I should say....but I'm not worried about it for the time being because what I think is the main issue is that...I still don't know what I like to do yet...as for a future career =/ My parents want me to have something to do with the medical field, like being a doctor, er..actually being one, not something like a doctor T____T lol...But I still haven't found out what my passion is yet...maybe it's because I put myself in sucha diverse situation that there's too many choices to choose from which makes me feel all confused. I'm starting to feel like I'm losing myself each and every day...it's like I don't know who I am anymore because of this. 1st hour today was good just like yesterday, my ceramics piece,...I think it's gonna turn out pretty good. I'm excited to work on it some more. 2nd hour...bleh, I liked how I was quiet the entire time, it brings back to the "good 'ol" middle school days when I was so quiet and didn't talk to anyone and could actually focus on my work and what I'm supposed to be doing. Except for all the loud talking the sophomores were doing which kinda bothered me a bit, but it's alright. I'm starting to understand more about oil painting...and I'm in the middle of fixing my background.....still....It looks better now, because I found out how to mix the colors and make it look right. That reminds me I should look up some stuff later. 3rd hour, I just tried to catch up on my math work...in which I did, but our math quiz is tomorrow, I just wanna do good on it, because I have a B- in that class 0_0 something my dad AND MOM isn't so proud about -____- 4th hour was entertaining, I'm just starting to wonder if it's actually an English class sometimes lmao. Next monday is the vocab quiz again, and next tuesday is the novel test along with the essay I HATE ESSAYS. Overall, I just wanna improve my art skills....and catch up in Calculus class I just wish I had the natural talent for drawing and painting...well I kinda already do, but I don't think I'm like ...up there...where I'm able to make epic drawings and paintings, also since I'm slowwwwww. In art. lmao and slow in my head too. haha.Tomorrow's Friday...I'm glad...just gotta suffer one more day of waking up early then I can sleep in. Thank the lord right? haha. I'm really exhausted though, losing nearly 15-20 hours of sleep every week wears you out A LOT. & you age faster too.... :( Tomorrow ..there's also gonna be a party in which A LOT of people are invited, I'm one of them but unfortunately I can't go, because the time is too late. Also due to the stress, I feel queasy every time I think about the ACT...Well, I gotta start working now EH.
PS - LOVIN' AFTER SCHOOL'S NEW SONG 'BANG!' :D :D :D
♥ My World My Life
4:01 PM
♥ Wednesday, March 24, 2010
YAYYYYY ALMOST EVERYBODY IN THE KPOP WORLD IS COMING BACK IN BETWEEN NOW AND THE NEXT TWO MONTHS CAN'T WAIT FOR THEIR RETURN/COMEBACK!!! :D :D :D (Son Dam Bi, Lee Hyori, Wonder Girls, Rainbow, After School, SS501) AND ETC!!!!
The kpop world is exciting yet my world is like full of shit. lol. T___T
♥ My World My Life
6:24 PM
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"It takes skills & talent to take you to where you wanna be"
Well, it's true like more than half of the times. & omg, this font is really small from how I'm typing it here, anyway doesn't matter. I don't have much time. I'm running out of time, time is running short & fast 0_0 faster than I had expected. I feel better than yesterday, after I got myself prepared by taking my allergy medication early in the morning before I left. I noticed my eyesight is getting worse, probably because I've been on the computer constantly, with bad lighting and I tend to lean in close to things too when I look at things...I can no longer see from afar like I used too. :( Sad world. Then last night I found out that not only is my laptop a little rebel, but it's also unique. They have like separate default settings for like kool lookin' wallpapers and stuff, unlike the other laptops and oldie moldie stuff from the past. It's a white HP laptop btw. So like for every different kind of wallpaper there is, there's like different colors for the windows that come along with it, and kool and special sounds too. Like when a page is done loading, it does this clicking noise, then when I turn up the volume or down, it makes this ringing noise, and IDK but I was like KOOL. At first I was scared of the clicking noise, because it sounded like a bomb ticking so it scared the living krap outta me for like the first 2-3 mins or so till I found out what it was. Anyway, my day...was better than yesterday I guess. But then everybody started being annoying like they always are, you know talking donkeys who never shut up, and nerds who can't stop laughing and talking about school, grades, calculus, and colleges. (LOL inside joke that only my best friend and I get) Oh haha, and funn how I forgot to mention in yesterday's post that I was totally embarassed by walking up onto the bus after school yesterday and fell/tripped up the stairs...I was like "WTF REALLY? I'm wearing Converses too!" How lame am I? lol. My bus driver asked me if I was okay then I said "yes" and laughed it off. Eh.1st hour was simply amazing, I've never had that much peace and quiet in my life lol, and working with clay made everything better too. 2nd hour...I was working on my portrait painting and OMFG I messed up on my background....I'm gonna have to fix it and it's gonna take one hell of a long time. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who's behind, but I realized that I'll probably be the last one done again, because I still wanna make everything look SIMILAR & "perfect" lol. Tensions are rising again...people are talking about how they wanna win something at the project's fair, we all know that not everybody's gonna get something...I'm just kinda...intimidated now..knowing everybody's skills and now I know why people are actually in the art magnet, well that's like a no brainer right? But I FEEL LEFT OUT. I wanna succeed too =/...But with this ACT shit going on...I think it's holding me back, but I can't be held back by either one...I'm falling behind in math once again...and BLEH I feel like a major sore loser. I'm blinded and my minds clouded with confusion...Idk what to do anymore. I'll try my best like I said, but it's hard. 4th hour...test and essay for the test next monday...GAWD...Assessments comin' up too. Give me a BREAK.
♥ My World My Life
3:23 PM
♥ Tuesday, March 23, 2010
"Karma can be a real bitch"
Today is probably the worst crappiest day I've ever had. It wasn't the overall day that was bad, but the fact that I was nearly out of it 80% of the time, not being able to focus at all, feeling like crap, and looking like crap & I was more out of it than I had ever been in my entire life. I don't what in the world is going on with me, but I wish it would just go away. I don't know if it's something that's effecting me and I don't know about it,..like something mental that is effecting me and I don't know what it is, or something physical, like an illness or something. Well this is great, it's almost my birthday and I feel like this? & thanks for all the love I had today -___- First off, 1st hour wasn't so bad, 2nd hour...I started actually painting today, didn't get far though...I saw all the color of the paint and got excited, but then when I held the brush and took a color, and started practicing and blending it on the small board it looked fun...but I started feeling unsure about it. Then I knew I had to get going because my teacher wanted us to get done with it...like by next week or something? (Holy shit lol & I just started too 0_0) I started painting the background, and one stroke...onto the canvas...it was like a whole new different experience than I had thought....Like it was a little bit of a strange exciting feeling, but then it got to a very scared, intimidated, and unsure feeling about my experience, the competition, and how it's going to turn out. I guess I'm just worried about losing...and having it turn out like shit, which it will most likely turn out like that. =/ I mean, the painting I picked at first was even more hard and looked more complicated...but I don't know anymore, I'll try my best to do whatever I can to make it look good, no matter how much time I got I'll take my time. But ever since I got out of that class, ...I was lost for almost the entire day...because after looking at everybody's artwork...I felt as if mine..isn't gonna turn out nearly half as good as theirs...I'm sorry I misjudged some people. (Eh only a few, I'm not mean lol...) At least I'm honest...Then I did not do anything in math class which is bad because I SHOULD be doing something. 4th hour,...didn't do anything. Hardly. & near at the end of the day one of my friends told me how when I walked into the door she was like "what is up with the western outfit?" and I was like "HUH?" *looks at self* Then she told me it was the scarf and the curly hair, and I was like ".....ha..haha...haa.." I didn't really get it because the style is ghetto...so then I was meaning to say it like a stuck up person in a joking way you know? So I said "Yeah It's supposed to be the type of ghetto style" and then this one chick who thought she was wise enough, spoke up and told me "haha I'm sorry but it didn't really work" Then I just snickered, and walked out of the door. I think that is so rude lol. I told my best friend about it and he even agreed. Well, at least she was honest. But I wanna see her try to pull off the look then T___T. Bleh..it's allergy season, since it's that time of the year again....My allergies acted up right when I got into 4th hour, just a tad bit then I got home and it got a bit worse..Now I still feel like crap and I just wanna go to bed, or rather take a nap but I know that if I do that...I won't be able to go to sleep tonight..so yeah might not. Depends. The ACT...in two weeks...way too soon, and there's gonna be a lot of shit going on too, my friends are right, why the hell would the school recommend us to take the one in April when there's a lot of shit going on at that time too? Other people got lives you know, thats like one MAIN thing people will NEVER get. They just try to cram in a whole bunch of crap in our life when we have other things to do too. Ugh...FML. Assessments in April comin' up...Then Magnet Day...If i'm correct, each magnets will be going to different places, and depending on grade too. I wanna go to the museum with my best friend, well not because he's going but because the fact that that's the museum I've been wanting to go to. The one here isn't so great. It's rather boring. & my other close friend is deciding she'll leave me to try and go on THAT museum field trip too T___T isn't that nice? If I ask and don't get to go...FML. FML FML FML. I'll be going on that field trip ALLLLLLLLLL ALONE ILL BE LONELY AS HELL. There's hardly anybody in the science magnet that I'm kool with. So eff that. UGH DAMN YOU LIFE.
♥ My World My Life
3:34 PM
♥ Monday, March 22, 2010
Lol...I just simply find it funny how people always favor the bitches, because they'll be a bitch to you if you don't stay on their side xD Popular bitches always get the attention don't they? Mhmmm. Why? Because they're....bitches duh. lol. FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY, life is full of strange ass mysteries and ALSO unfair. How does this add up? A world full of strange, and weird ass people. Everytime I'm a bitch, people hardly forgive me lol.But when other chicks are bitches, they always seem to forget about it. Funny how when some bitches talk shit on other people and get talked about all the time, but people are still favoring them like they're Queen of the World. Gee I wish I was Queen of the World ;)
lol Life is...not what you would always think it'd be. :D
-"Love is a bitch, and Life is a follower... Remember you never let them bitches bring you down :)" -From my best buddie. :)
♥ My World My Life
4:35 PM
♥
"People who are rude don't know that they are half of the times"
Lol almost ironic isn't it? Haha not really. Man today was a terrible Monday...so like there's this really retarded group in my math class, my two friends also don't like them at all. What happens is that, well, even though this happens everyday, but they're always, loud, noisy, obnoxious, laughing all the time with their annoying laughs, they're pretty much the stuck up type of people who like to show off, so today, the guy decides to kick/shake the desk in front of him to mess with the girl sitting in front of him, but when he does that it shakes mine and my friends desk too, we were like "OMFG" and my friend almost went off on him too. He triggered my anger, so the whole entire day I was just getting annoyed with everybody, it wasn't even funny. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day...bleh I doubt it. I mean at least my best friend and I get to go off campus for lunch. At least that'd be better a bit on our behalf lol. I'm still somewhat behind on the ACT I think I should get working now. Today...my "enemy" for art competition, was crying...I don't know if it was because she was having personal problems, or if it was because of the fact that she took the competition really seriously. Shoo, I'd cry too if I didn't think my artwork was perfect. I'm a perfectionist. I guess she really does want to win and be on top. lol that won't make me back down though. She still has competition, it's just that his stupid ass ACT shit is in the way so I can't really focus on art right now, because what I could be doing is working on my drawing, shading, AND painting skills (I don't have oil paint although I wish I did...wish I had like a super rich family member that could've bought me some for my b-day... =/) Okay sorry I'm so greedy, and spoiled, and I should not ask for such things lol. Maybe i could just use like regular paint but that sucks lmao. Anyway, I really don't feel like reading the novel but it's whatever lol. I shouldn't say I care less about Math and English when those are the two that can get me into the medical field....
♥ My World My Life
4:29 PM
♥ Sunday, March 21, 2010
"It is possible for a friendship to be cut off in less than a second"
It's just truly amazing how a friendship can raise upon a hill but may fall back down in less than a second. I decided to just basically end any of the closeness I feel for my friends. Sometimes people say you shouldn't give up, but if it's something that's holding you back, it's necessary to do what you need to do. My friendship with more than 2 of my close friends went downhill I guess. I just got off of the phone with one of my close friends awhile ago, she also told me how jacked up it was for my other friend to not come to my party and not give me a reason why either. I told her the truth you know, about both my guy friend and my other chick friend who couldn't make it to my party, and about how I feel like at one point we were getting close, but then it went downhill because of either a "natural force" or because of the path that they chose. I, myself, am basically a pretty straightforward person, I stick to just one path, unless something big happens and there was a sudden dramatic change. I don't change suddenly. I have reasons for my doings. I give people my reasons when I have them and if they're curious. Either way, I just think it's necessary for me to just back off of these friendship things even though it was bothering me a bit before, well not really, but it's not important and I don't want it to get in the way with something I'm trying to do to reach my goal. I even told myself how it's amazing and surprising how each of my friends are drifting from me slowly...Not like I want it to happen, but it's life..right? It just seems like they're using it as an excuse to get away from me and drop the friendship they have with me and any connection or ties that we had in the past because I'm just some dumb, stupid, pathetic, little girl. Haha, I know that's not the reason, but life is making it seem that way lol. It doesn't bother me really, I mean, I don't wanna sound cruel or anything, but...if me being lonely makes it another step closer to being more successful than anybody else or ever before, then I'm willing to truly accept this matter of fact. :) This may be a harsh saying, but I'd rather it be me and just my family, with me being 99.9% successful most of the times, than having close ties to almost everyone I know that are my friends. Friends are a great thing and I know you need them in life, but you don't need a close tie with all of them. The friends I have now, are still my good friends and I won't let go of them for that matter, but considering and worrying about the close connections, I'm not too worried about it and I'm not gonna stress myself about it.Well, I should be asleep now, since it's already 10 and I have to wake up at 5 to go back to school =/ bleh. Seriously, I'm not psyched to go back to school, my school is full of BLEH people. I can't wait to graduate and go to college and relieve myself from all this high school stress and just leave it all behind me and just start a new "educational" adulthood life lmao. I wanna meet new people and start over, I'm done and sick and tired of seeing all of the same people they gross me out and disgust me for that matter. They're just not nice!!! Anyway...I'm offie. I'll update tomorrow.NIGHT WORLD :D :D
♥ My World My Life
8:16 PM
♥ Saturday, March 20, 2010
"One disappointment may lead to another"
It's simply amazing how life can be so unfair if you look back and think about it. I mean...take a moment and think what this life has done to harmless people and them having to face their own "fate" this way. You see these people, born into this world, as a kind, warmhearted, harmless human being, yet they either die at an early age because of some incident, or..they get some kind of illness or deadly disease that nearly puts them handicapped, or basically facing just any severity of suffering...it just makes me sad. Then when you look at all of these selfish, rude, mean, cruel people out there who simply just disgust you, and yet, nothing has happened to them. Well not yet anyway. Some may be lucky and may live "happily ever after" which is definitely not fair at all when you have other good people in this world suffering because of some dramatic matter. It disgusts me. Funny how life goes against you, especially when you want the good things to happen, they almost never happen half of the times, unless you're lucky enough. Although we really do not want this world to be truly perfect. Whenever I look and see people going through tough times...my heart just sinks...and I get all teary-eyed. Yes, I am emotional, truly emotional at heart. Who am I to blame? Being emotional just shows that you care, as a person of course. My mom told me about how sad it was to just hear my grandmother, who is facing colon cancer right now, and does not know that she has cancer...say these words "It's alright, I won't be sick like this forever, once I get better, I'll visit my daughter" ...Those words hit me like a train, I couldn't stand it, I almost wanted to cry, but I held it in so hard...Knowing that she's clueless as to the fact that she has cancer just kills me on the inside. & now, just awhile ago...my mom & I heard my dad kicking the soccer ball downstairs, and then my mom said the words that just hit me pretty deep. I ..can say that I'm pretty close with my dad, maybe not so close that I tell him everything like those other kids/teens that I envy most about that...but I wanted to cry. Now that I just think back on all the things that my dad has done for me just because he cares about me, it makes me just wanna slap myself so hard in the face for being so stupid in the past and being such a rebel. Tears are flowing down my cheeks now..I didn't mean to bring it up, but now it's just bothering me. All the things that he's done for me, he's just trying to get me to have the greatest future I will ever get. He's a great father..I mean Dad..now I realize how much the things I do impact him. I don't want this to get any worse. My personality and habits are getting in the way though, but I'll try to breakthrough. I'll do my best.
PS - Kids & Teens who do drugs are idiots.
♥ My World My Life
7:40 PM
♥ Friday, March 19, 2010
Honestly, even though there are people who have their own opinions out there, they don't need to be bashing on other Artists on their website. Especially when their website is a news site. I love kpop ever since I was young, and I still do. I support all the artists out there in the kpop world because all of them have gone through alot in order to make it this far! I mean, not just only korean artists but other artists around the world too. Not to mention most of these kpop stars are multi-talented. They're here because they were born to do what they're good at doing, and I think it's important to respect these artists for what they do. Not everybody in the world has these type of talents. One thing that has really upset me is that...the kpop world has ANTIS...I mean American artists have antis too, but the kpop world has TOO MANY to count. That's really messed up people. Another thing that disappoints me is that there has been kpop news websites that bash on other artists....WTF is up with that? You guys got no lives? At least they're out there trying there best to chase after their dreams of becoming a singer, and what the hell are you guys doing? Bashing on other artists for something they got talent for? HA yeah, bet you can't do better =/ I think that since you people think you got the right to open mindedly post your opinions on your own websites where over THOUSANDS of people will be reading your posts, bashing on kpop artists then I have the right to bash on YOU GUYS for being narrowminded, disgusting, and a bad excuse for being human beings.So let's start off with our first website that I've ran upon about 2 years ago and still despise till now and probably will forever. ShenYuePop,....fuckin' anti SNSD people we got there on that godforsaken website. When SNSD first debuted, I supported them, because I saw that these girls had talent, girls who we know now that WORK VERY HARD in order to have gotten this far. See? Look at them now, they are now considered the 9 gems of Korea and are loved by over millions of people ALL OVER & what about you haters? YOU'RE JUST A WEBSITE, a nobody, sorry to say =/ There are more SNSD fans than there are antis so good luck trying to "bring down" SNSD and everyone down with you, no one's gonna go as low as you people. On that website, when I had first saw it, I saw POSITIVE comments about another artist, then when I saw this negative post about SNSD I was like "WTF is this shit?" It's like imagining a nice looking 7 yr old girl kindly petting a cat, then a second later, pulling out a knife and murdering it!! One of the members of SNSD, Tiffany, whom is also one of the popular members known today, has been bashed on by plenty in the past because of her mistakes. Other girls have been bashed on for their mistakes, or what people have misunderstood for a mistake, but hey, I've made millions of mistakes before too, am I going to die for it? No, I'm gonna get bashed on, just like what you guys are doing to them, but EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES. Just like you are doing right now too. 0_0. The more you're "selling" these stuff out, more people will realize you're just haters who have no lives and are jealous of them. & wth is wrong with her figure? & she's NOT fat, geezus. Compare her to all of the population of America. What do YOU think is fat? This makes me just think about how all the rude and disgusting people live out there...they must be criticizing and judging EVERY SINGLE BIT of life. You guys are just jealous because they are 9 successful and beautiful young girls who have gotten this far. & I'm guessing if you're out to get these 9 girls, you must be out to get all the other celebrities in the world who are like that too huh? If so, that's sad. If it's just SNSD, that's even MORE SAD. GROW UP PEOPLE. Why do we have to HATE? Enough sad. Let's get to the next website...Seoulbeats. Hmph, I used to think this was a reliable site. Till I saw the post about Kara's Park Gyuri, and the thing about her being "PWNED" by Dae Sung. Hahaha after reading the post, I was like "Who the fuck posted this? Whoever posted this is an immature little bitch" & I started cracking up. FYI: YOU got PWNED by over half of the people who replied within their comments towards your post. & look at the mirror before you start talking okay? Yeah you're lucky you got over 7000 subscribers on youtube for your little site, but I won't forget your nasty little post about Park Gyuri. Yes, I am a KARA fan and I'm not gonna deny it. Like I said before, I support a lot of kpop artists. But seriously? calling her conceited, arrogant, annoying and plastic? You sound pretty conceited, arrogant and annoying yourself, after seeing your videos. & Plastic? Please. Find proof before you say anything about anybody else. I was ugly at one point, but now I've changed and if you compared my pics you'd probably say I got surgery too, bitch. It's called PUBERTY, sorry you haven't gotten there yet. You're just jealous and hating on her because she's beautiful, and the majority of the people think so too, as a matter of fact I think people would rather see Gyuri's face than yours. Plastic or not. =/ People's faces change over time if you didn't know that, just don't assume everyone does it just because they're born in a country where people do a lot of surgery you narrowminded hoebag. You're lucky everybody thinks you're "funny" blah blah blah, haha sorry but I don't. You make me wanna gag. I bet you that you were the one who stared at yourself in the mirror for 12 hours straight after being rejected. Overall, you're just jealous because, she's beautiful, smart, talented, and HAS a successful career that she's pursuing at the moment and you don't.
Now..I just don't get it, there are other kpop news websites who are WILLING to talk about REAL news rather than posting their own damn, disgusting, negative opinions about kpop artists, so why can't you guys do the same? I honestly think that if you are a certain anti yourself, you should NOT be owning a KPOP news website or even have the right to post that much of negative comments on your site at all. Just..holy shit people. How immature can you people get? Just stop it with this. Look on the bright side of things okay? Karma is a bitch first of all. Second of all, we all know people who do this, are obviously just bored, got no lives, or are just jealous haters. There are people in this world who are going to be better than us at SOMETHING, you can't make everyone equal to one another and EXPECT them to be perfect. Because people who bash on other people don't make them perfect people either.
Learn to love those around us, learn to love life itself, and cherish the everyday things that surround you. -♥
Sincerely, Yours.
♥ My World My Life
11:19 AM
♥
"It's about time..."
I thought I'd be less lazier from now on with my blog by changing the fonts, color, and moods and maybe adding more pics to each post lol and less lazier from other things too lol. I know I'm a lazy girl....but it's about time that I needed to be pressured. It's strange how one of the things I hate most in life, would come to hit me in the face sometimes to kinda snap me outta my "zoned out" mode...so that I can get up on my feet and do what I need to do. Being pressured..not the brilliant thing ever, but when you got somebody to pressure you about something THIS important...it's a good thing because you might need it. Especially when it's your dad most of all...because I should say that fathers expect great things from his own children...he needs to feel proud you know? Being a father can age a man so fast...the next thing you know he'd already see his children all grown up, ready to take a next step in life.
I stayed up late last night...first I was on my best friend's deviantart, then I went onto his blog...and read his blog the entire night. The whole entire thing just got me pretty emotional...just knowing how much him and I can pretty much relate to each other so much...I started tearing up pretty bad..well not that bad but yeah...I mean, the thing with him and his family..was one of the sad things I could partially understand...but the thing with friendship and love..I can truly understand 100%..It was sad really...realizing and thinking again about how much I see him every school day with a smile on his face, and his kindness towards everyone around him...hiding all of the emotional pain that he buries within himself, just trying to be happy and a normal guy so that he wouldn't worry others. I smiled...not in a good way..more like in a sad way, because I was just the exact same way. It's hard to explain about burying the emotional stuff...but him and I were just the same, I mean there are more things in life then just those things that try to bring you down. Life is a bitch itself. I just never knew that he really liked/loved the guy =/...& now I feel kinda bad because I could've given him more advice knowing with all the experience I've gone through. 
A Picture of my best friend.
Bleh he's gone through a lot, just as I have. He doesn't deserve to go through so many things like that...he's such a great guy and a great friend and I think he deserves better...he deserves better than I do...that is what I think.
♥ My World My Life
8:45 AM
♥ Thursday, March 18, 2010
"I'm not who you think I am"
Life is so full of nonsense, and so is my damn blog. Even though from that quote is a popular saying, but it's very true especially towards me. What's the deal with trying to gain acceptance from everybody? Those who stick and stay with you till the very end are your true friends, they look beyond your "flaws" and mistakes, they see you and love you for who you are. People who try to gain the acceptance from other people are trying to be someone who they are not. Let us find who we really are, and leave those who push you away. Us humans may be one of the unique things on Earth, but we can be cruel, or we can be sweet angels that help other people out.
Bleh...I just wish I would take these sayings into mind for once...in my life, I did TRY to gain acceptance once, but then I realized that it was just a waste of time. I don't need acceptance, if there are people who are willing to be there for you when you need them, they are your friends. You don't need people telling you who you should or should not be.
God..and might I add...what is up with all of these girls on youtube lately... =/ posting up vids of them like nearly half naked and dancing to songs, what are they doing? Trying to sell their bodies? Maybe this is why girls get raped and become sluts so early nowadays. Agh. Lame.
♥ My World My Life
8:39 PM
♥ Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Currently: Standing Strong
It all makes sense now..just adding all of the pieces together. There ARE people out there to TRY & intimidate me, stop me, get in my way, bring me down. Stupid bitches and assholes. After what happened with my box ceramics piece,...the prank calls...HAHA that reminds me, after my bodyguard prank called him, my dad did the same today also. It was funny as hell. HAHA GOT BURNED YOU DUMB BASTARD! & seems to find out that I was thinking exactly the same thing as what my parents thought, ...one of my friends or so called "friends" could've given my number to that one dude to prank call me because they don't like me. My number could've possibly either gotten around my accident or on purpose either way, I don't know the exact truth so I can't just be pointing out fingers at people. But I'm allowed to be suspicious. I don't really care anymore, this is the final blow and warning, I am warning you people not to mess with me. From now on I don't trust anybody but me, maybe my family is the only people I can trust but even I don't trust them 100% because of my own personal reasons. People can end up being such backstabbers just because they're haters, or dirty jealous skunkbags. Ugh you people can disgust me. I get along and be nice to everybody because that's the way I am, but if you mess with me I WILL snap at you and even though I tend to play nice to you mean and rude people, don't mean you're not gonna get the worst. I'm standing even stronger now because of you people. But from now on, if you want my trust, you're really gonna have to sacrifice something in order to prove to me that you're worthy of my friendship. I am no god or princess, but I know that if you people have no lives and tend to mess with other people's lives, you all can get run over by a semi for all I care. As for guys, I'm not gonna be dealing with you guys anymore, unless there's a guy who can prove that he's worthy of gaining my love and trust. But I know I won't find him for one hell of a long time. I'm gonna do my best to try harder. I'm gonna protect myself all that I can. No matter what. I really don't have anymore friends. Except for my "father" but...also not 100% ..nobody but me. You guys best be on the run.
♥ My World My Life
5:14 PM
♥ Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Currently: Gazing At the Dark World
So...even though my dad keeps reminding me of this ACT stuff and studying for it makes me SICK but...I know I have to do it and I have to do my best if I wanna succeed and get the highest score I can possibly get. I have to put my heart and mind into it and really focus! I cannot back down now, I realized that..Yeah I know I say that I realized a lot of things and over and over again also but...I'm serious though. I can't back down from a lot of things, I'll try to squeeze in art as much as I can but I really think I need to get through with this first, because all of this is just simply overwhelming so I need to put aside one major thing to the side and worry about what's most important NOW. It's not fun gazing at the "dark" world...everybody's gone through it, I keep looking back, but I need to see the brighter side of things and think more positive in order to make it. Bleh, I can do it, I NEED to do it. !!!! AHHHHH!!
♥ My World My Life
6:18 PM
♥ Monday, March 15, 2010
HEY GUYS LOL. I'm back again lmao in just like 5 mins lol or something, just thought I'd compile some of my fun quotes that deal with life experience! & trust me, most of the times, ITS COMPLETELY TRUE! You don't have to agree with it but yeah :D (Don't forget these are MY OWN quotes lol) But honestly some are more like ...a joke lol.
1. "Jealous ones usually tend to say the nice things in front of the person & bad things behind the person's back"2. "Those who say they hate drama, are actually the drama-starters"3. "Ones who say things completely from their view, don't consider the other side's view"4. "Friends who don't show much interest towards you aren't really your friends"5. "The ones that don't say anything to you when you've accomplished something, are the jealous ones."6. "Follow your own instincts before you listen and do as what other people say"7. "Ones who say they care, but don't act like it, are the ones that don't really care"8. "MOST of the times, guys who are good looking, end up with unattractive lookin' chicks" (LMAO this one is harsh ...but uhh I see it A LOT)9. "Guys who say personality counts more, end up going for the looks anyway"10. "When your friends or other people compliment your work with "it's good" or "kool", they just don't wanna admit that it's actually really good, because they wanna stay on top of you"11. "You know a person is racist when someone of a different race does not respect you by: a. not talking in a respectful manner/or acting b. treats you differently from their kind c. making constant racial jokes d. discriminate"12. "You know a person is rude & has not been taught manners when they push you to get through and not saying 'excuse me' "13. "People can still be racist against asians and still eat at a Chinese restaurant"
♥ My World My Life
9:42 PM
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Currently: In a State of Emotional Shock & Pain
I wish there were other words that could actually describe how I feel right now. Home sweet home...I'm back from Oklahoma and I should be asleep right now since I am exhausted but I thought I'd update first, and just sorta express myself before I forget it all in the morning.Well...The "vacation" was not as I expected...nor for my parents either...knowing the fact that I'm still overwhelmed by the amount of work I still haven't done...=/ I was extremely exhausted the entire day, I looked like shit, I felt like shit, I wasn't hungry at all the entire day, except for near the afternoon but that was only a tad bit...In the morning..walked out of the Vietnamese restaurant smelling like Pho -_-...then went to like 3 Ross's...the first one ..I bought a lot of clothes but not in all the styles I wanted...went to the 2 other ones and it was a big FAIL. For my parents and I. Then went to Rue 21 that was a FAIL too...only thing I bought was a belt, cause they were too expensive there in Oklahoma. Then went to go eat, but I felt like I hardly enjoyed the food at all...then went on the ride home...watched Angel Sanctuary...I was tearing up lol...But it made me realize many things & gave me encouragement too...then I took a nap...I don't know for how long but it was sorta nice but not really..cause it got interupted by many things...Also during the day..my dad really pissed me off by saying things like "If you don't listen to me and follow what I say you will fail in life." Wtf is that supposed to mean? Does that mean I have to make YOUR dream come true in order to make MY life better? I need to chase after the things I want to do...I brought up about continuing doing Ceramics and possibly other art classes because they brought up about vases and etc when we were in Ross then he told me that I should stop because I might be heading the wrong way...I told him I need to do it for fun and stuff so that I can relieve most of my stresses in life, why won't he try to understand my feelings? Gawd I'm tearing up again...not only was that the thing that ruined my day..but also in the car...Of course they had already agreed to not let me go on the trip along with my mom to Vietnam over the summer...But I don't agree with her going alone...not anymore...I knew there could possibly be issues but once they brought up a whole bunch of things because they were paranoid...0_0...I just wanted to start crying because..I want her to go in order to see her own mother...when she has the chance..and that would show respect and show that she's not selfish and still cares...but then again..I don't want anything to happen to her...(also the reason why I had wanted to go along with her) but...I don't know anymore...So..after we came home I took a shower, but during the car ride when we were near home..My right eye had this sharp pain then my left eye started itching, then my right eye felt like it had something in it...so then I thought it'd be okay..like a normal thing you know? I looked in the mirror my eye was alright...Went home...looked in my bedroom mirror, it was alright, got in the bathroom, ...BAM both of my eyes were like bloodshot red! IT LOOKED SO EFFIN SCARY! It looked like as if I was turning into a mutant or something or like my eyes were about to bleed! I was freaking out..it's a little better now...but still a bit irritated..I just hope it's something normal like an irritation or me just being tired and needing sleep..but yeah...I'm off to bed now, Back to work tomorrow =/ ...Damn...& Waiting for black soshi!
♥ My World My Life
9:16 PM
♥ Sunday, March 14, 2010
Currently: Looking For You...My Love..
Well...this really sucks..I've only accomplished ohh...maybe like 10% out of all the things that I need to do 0_0 This isn't so good, plus my parents are pressuring me with the B- that I STILL have in Calc...Gimme me a break pleeeease...aghh..I'm already overwhelmed...I mean...well, I think I'm just starting to come to think to the fact that maybe...I'm overdoing things a bit..maybe I'm pressuring myself to be good at everything =/ Even though I want to be...I wanna perfect my drawings and impress everybody and show them that I have what it takes...But then again I wanna do good in Calc and get a GREAT score on the ACT at the same time too...but like I guess I'm just not that motivat- BLEH I shouldn't say that....OKAY I need to get myself together...ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!!I saaawwww Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief!! My dad thought it was an okay movie, but my mom and I thought it was a good movie. I REAAALLLLYYY liked it lol it made my day, now I'm just looking forward to seeing The Last Airbender & Karate Kid!!! HEHEHEHE. BUT OMG I never knew the guy who played as Percy was gonna be THAT CUTE =O HE WAS SOO CUTE I could NOT keep my eyes off of him! He's lucky he's cute or else I would NOT be focusing on the movie that much!! LOL. 
LOGAN LERMAN IS CUTE. lol. The End. I'm not a creep so yeah. x] & I'm heading off to Oklahoma tomorrow, YAYY!! Gotta go to bed now! NIGHT & PEACE.
♥ My World My Life
8:09 PM
♥ Saturday, March 13, 2010
Currently: Keeping It Simple
My Birthday party went pretty good..Of course there were some flaws to it but it's alright we all had fun. I'm starting to regain my confidence again, but I don't think it'll be long before it starts slipping away from me again. Btw the movie Orphan is so creepy -___- but it's actually a good movie. & now I'm sorta going back to the past cause I'm starting to listen to Utada Hikaru songs again xp But it feels nice listening to her songs again. Well, I decided to just be strong no matter what comes my way. I'll try my best with things. I won't promise anything 100% guaranteed so yeah...I can't really watching anything right now either because the internet is slowing down because I'm uploading the new vids onto facebook lol. So yeah...maybe more updates later tomorrow. Good night..
♥ My World My Life
5:41 PM
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Currently: Sad...
Yeah..I know I'm not supposed to be sad on the day of my birthday party but who cares...It just seems like this party is gonna turn out like krap...and god damn...I'm about to cry....>=[ It doesn't seem like the people I invited didn't seem enthusiastic enough to go...Bleh it's alright, it's just me...I'm no one special right? This birthday party is gonna turn out like shit...I just know it...I'm not prepared for this....I NEED TO STOP GETTING SO EMOTIONAL...These tears.....ugh I need to stop tearing up...Now I don't even know if the other person is gonna make it or not...wtf..But I'm definitely gonna have to hold it in when my party comes....Bleh whatever I need to stop making a big deal out of things. Life is life, just gotta go along with whatever happens. (GRRR HOLD IT IN HOLD IT IN!!!)
♥ My World My Life
7:52 AM
♥ Friday, March 12, 2010
Currently: Bleeding Away
So...my life...is slowly turning into hell...after listening to songs from back when I was little...it reminded me of how much I used to be so young, wild, and free..I was able to be happy all the time and not care about a simple damn thing, no stress, no such thing as love...but now,...my life is full of lies, just a bunch of BS, so stressful, and overwhelming and not fun anymore. I'm losing all the confidence there is....am I really to give up this easily? I just think that if I keep trying ...I'll just end up hurting myself...mentally... =/ It's already driving me insane ever since I got into high school..and now that I think about all of the stuff...I'm really not that smart..I screwed up on half of my life and I knew that I could've done so much better and cared more about myself, I realized I put too many people before me..I'm not so lucky as I used to be anymore because I chose for my life to be that way since I chose the wrong path to walk on. I'm just hoping the results will come back okay...I don't want to feel beaten, I don't want to feel ...walked on...I just don't...I'm overwhelmed because I wanna be so much better than everyone else right now...=/ Yeah sorry to say I'm almost an over-achiever who wants to be ahead of everybody...I don't want this chick to play the piano better than me even though I've played since I was 6 and she started recently..I don't want this other chick to get a higher score on the ACT than me when I spend much more time dedicated to my schoolwork compared to her, I don't want this OTHER chick to get a scholarship when I'm trying my best to get one and especially when I'm trying to put that all together with improving my drawing skills and increasing my talents!!!! WTH. I just feel like ending my life right now and starting over...I feel terrible...but then again..I don't wanna throw away all the stuff that I have now in my life and just giving up that easily. I don't wanna lose against that. I'll just have to continue to fight for what I believe in till the very end. I just want things to go back to the way they were..but I'm asking for too much..I know I am...I want to be multi-talented...I wanna be someone special who stands out...and is known for her hard work ='[& also I'm praying that my birthday party goes well tomorrow..hopefully she won't come and crash the damn party because I am not in the freakin' mood for this krap to go on again. PLEASE. This is MY birthday party, I will break down in the end if she does it again this time...please..not like Thanksgiving ok? Please I am asking nicely. -___-
♥ My World My Life
8:16 PM