Designer: Agnes
Base Code: Tammy
Image: Enakei
Image Host: Tinypic & Photobucket
NOTE**: I DO NOT OWN THE ICONS THAT ARE ON EACH OF MY POSTS, THE ICONS ARE CREDITED TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS, THANK YOU [CREDITS TO: K-pop Icons]
♥ Friday, April 30, 2010
"Even though you left part of my life, I still think about you..."
Why is it that I'm trying to deny these feelings? I was happy with you, but when I'm no longer with you....I'm still happy....0_0 People are supporting me, thank you my supporters. I just hope this doesn't cause too much drama. It's already almost the end of the year and shit is already starting. Bleh. He isn't too happy right now, and he cried on my shoulder today....even though he was douchebag towards me when I was trying to confront him about what had happened he didn't take it too well and just told me to walk off. =/ I'm single. Tired of all of these damn guys who keep fuckin' me over or try to fuck me over and I just wanna kill each and every one of them. But although, people made me feel like I had support and that's what made me happy and I laughed a lot today. :DI still believe he IS guilty though, if he isn't....which idk...then he has to prove it himself. Idk what else to do.I'm sorry.
♥ My World My Life
2:32 PM
♥ Thursday, April 29, 2010
"I give a death glare when I'm really annoyed"
UGH EWWW I NEED TO GET THESE IMAGES OUTTA MY HEAD!!! UGH. I cannot believe I've done so many things with my ex that I regret sooooooooooo much.....!!!! It disgusts me! EVERY SINGLE time I think about it, it just bothers me like crazyyyyy. He was just ughhhhh nastaaayyyy. T____T THEN. There are people who lie way too god damn much!!! I mean, I'm fine with you people lying about other things that are necessary, but calling someone pretty, beautiful or gorgeous, when they're obviously not makes you look like an idiot because everyone can see that that person is not PRETTY, BEAUTIFUL OR GORGEOUS so OPEN your god dang freakin' eyes and take a good look at that THING...IT. WHATEVER. MAJOR PET PEEVES I SWEAR. STOP calling people pretty when they're not!!! ya'll are such liars!!!!
♥ My World My Life
6:50 PM
♥
"It's always too good to be true"
Okay so, I knew you never cared so stop trying to fuckin' act like you care when all you're just trying to do is find out shit about me so you can laugh about me behind my back. Stop being sucha fake ass bitch in front of everyone, I know you're liking his status's because I'm sure you know that he's referring to me. Stay out of it. No one needs your input okay? You act like you're all goody-goody and shit but you're not. I've seen others pull it off better. Don't act nice in front of me like you like me, just because you're fuckin' popular at this school, I know how and who you are and you haven't changed a bit. You're just hiding your true self behind this invisible barrier that everyone's too god damn blind to see but me. I've gone through so much to know how and who you are. I'm way more independent and much stronger than you think, and the more I make the mistakes and the more the people are neglecting me and being mean to me, the more I learn. That's just the advantage that I got and have compared to you, I mean I have others too, but I'm not gonna waste my time typing or waste my breath saying what all it is. Trust me, I'm gonna be there, be at a point where I'll feel so successful that it will seem like you're underneath me. We're just gonna have to see how this goes.Damn...anyway, sorry for the long speech..I'm just kinda disappointed in 2 people right now. I lost my bodyguard...but it's alright, it's a big misunderstanding...well that's more of an understatement but...I sent him a message and took care of it. I'm mature enough to say how I feel now rather than hiding and running from the issue. I shouldn't have told him where I was gonna go for the ACT....egh....great. Still goin' to Friends though probably. Need to raise that damn ACT score up but first off, I gotta settle my score with the AP exam. Fuck. I'm gonna be needing to finish my portrait drawing first tonight though. My teacher is expecting it tomorrow. Gotta do my best. Shouldn't fall asleep either. & I ate way too much junk food today, in the end, this was a pretty good day. I usually hate Fridays though because of Advocacy not because of the teacher but because of some of the people in there. =/ Who cares lol.
Main thing I've realized today: For once in my life, I'm glad that I'm not popular. You know why? Because if you're popular and everyone knows you, you have to be really careful of what you do or say because if you screw up just once, the whole entire school will talk shit and bash on you then you'll get looked down upon and wished that you were never popular in the first place. So good luck with that. I'd rather be hardly known and best known to have great talents and a funny and nice personality by people who know me rather than gaining all that popularity by everyone. Thanks for trying to fuck with my life last year, you're one hell of a friend. There's one big and main thing that my parents have taught me, that is, don't take shit from people because it's one hell of a cruel world out there, let them do what they wanna do and don't let them get the best of you because as long as you are who you are and don't give a damn what they do, you'll be more successful than them. If people are going to judge you for the way you are, then they're just jealous assholes and bitches who judge people just based on what they see, think and hear, narrowminded people who just won't take the time to think more into it and get to know the person rather than being immature and starting shit. The world is just scary and I need to learn to take care of myself, and I learned from all of this shit too. No joke. If you think this is all a threat, and I'm a threat to you, try re-thinkin' about all what you've done in the past. Thank you to all those who support her and are friends with her, because you people are sure narrowminded-far-sighted arrogants who hardly know anything, because you think you know a person when you don't. There's a difference between trying to change and get rid of your bad habits, and locking them away and having them hide behind an invisible barrier, while the fake you comes at it.
PS - All I wanna do is kiss kiss kiss.....Sometimes I just wanna be alone with him. I'm gonna have to hang out with my 'younger sister' and the girl who I always say 'shut up' to this summer :D
♥ My World My Life
2:42 PM
♥ Wednesday, April 28, 2010
"Look straight into my eyes and tell me if you see the love & desire"
Damn 3 days! Can we keep this up? Probably so!! hahaha. :D Sad thing is, my portrait drawing has to be due tomorrow, and I don't know if I'll be able to finish it by then? Because she said that if it's not turned in by the end of class tomorrow then she'll start taking points off =/ Shit. Then the AP Exam is comin' up and honestly...I don't know anything 0_0....Well you know, here we go, we just gotta do our best. Next week, I gotta get to work. I just need to finish my portrait drawing krap. I'm getting really fustrated. Anywho...F(x) Comeback comin' up soon!! In May! Can't wait and I'm hoping Mr. Boogie will be on there -___-. I still wanna be around him so bad...UGH I feel bad just every single time when I just ignore him and just walk off or just wave and then walk off...like wth...I like holding his hand and holding onto him....BLEH STOP STOP STOP!!! Before I get sucked into this blackhole of doom!!! >=[ But in the end today was a lovable day, I felt very loving based on how I dressed :D and yeah. Except for the one point in time when....umm..I ran into the two girls....T____T EGH. I didn't mean to. It was an accident. Idk if the both still like him or not...or what...but man those chicks....woo....SCARY!!!! Lol it's alright....I just gotta play it kool, and play the nice game lol. AND PRETEND I KNOW NOTHING. PURE INNOCENCE.
:)
♥ My World My Life
2:44 PM
♥ Tuesday, April 27, 2010
"Is it annoying and immature for me to naturally act this way?"
Agh she used to be my good friend, only an acquiantance now, but I really don't like the way she acts anymore. It's not who she is. He used to be my best friend, but now he's a prick. Er, dick. Givin' me these looks, I should be the one givin you those looks since you can't even act like who you really are anymore. He's also even more rude now too, I be tryin' to talk to my good friend, then in the middle of talkin' he just calls her over WHILE I'm talking....asshole...-__-Anyway today was a decent day, I hope every day this week has a GOOD theme to it. Nothing bad though. It'd be amazing though and lift the stress off of my shoulders. Ergghh...Kissing him is starting to get so addicting that...I just...UGH....I hate it but then like it at the same time...wtf...Why must I get addicted at the wrong time...Talk about guys suckin' you in and makin' you fall for them. =/ HAHA ITS HARDLY WORKING OKAY lol.
& I'm addicted to this music video too....hahaha...
Kinda reminds me of me and him...but the other way around .... 0_0....If only I was THAT sexy, gorgeous, beautiful, and cute....then maybe he wouldn't even think about doing those things to me & that way he'd pay attention to me A LOT more hahaha....lol.....I make it sound like as if he's done so many bad things which he has not. I guess...Idk..
♥ My World My Life
2:40 PM
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"Nightmare that captured my attention"
THAT WAS THE WORSE NIGHTMARE I'VE EVER HAD!!!! GEEZ I WAS CRYING LIKE CRAZY IN THE DREAM AND OUTSIDE!!!! UGH.
♥ My World My Life
3:21 AM
♥ Monday, April 26, 2010
"This could be the last farewell"
Today actually went pretty good for a day that (geez I was about to type ex -___-) my bf isn't here. lol. I realized he's not serious about me, damn, I was sucha fool to think that he was until I heard all the things that he's done. I can't trust someone like that anymore...even though I've known him for 3 years now. I think I was not wrong about Friday either, because I went around asking people, well...they were friends of mine, and they told me about what they knew. I am just surprised how this all had happened last semester...so not too long ago. How the hell can you be playing with multiple chicks at the same time like that? If I knew, I totally would've told your ass off. I also found out that he called me stupid for asking him about him and his ex the last time, it just proves that he was trying to hide something from me since he got so defensive about it rather than tell me what actually happened so that I can trust him. Wtf...yeah this seriously isn't working, I know that he's gonna be messin' with other chicks over the summer and so on and so forth too sooooo....Idk where he's wanting to get by being with me...because he doesn't show interest, nor does he even talk to me when I'm online...so wth. UGH I CANNOT BELIEVE I LET HIM KISS ME ON THAT DAY WHEN HE FUCKED AROUND WITH A FRESHMAN.....WHO AM I TO BE USED?!?!!?! Great. GREAT GREAT GREAT I hope he goes to hell. =/ NO MORE PITY.AGH. Time to type my internal monologue. 2 more weeks until you leave this school and you can't even learn to stay in school for the rest of the days that you're gonna be here. Sick my ass.
♥ My World My Life
4:23 PM
♥ Sunday, April 25, 2010
"They say Prince Charming is with Mr. Right, but when is he coming?"
So I'm definitely a loner now. But It's alright. :D I have myself lol. I've decided I need to make a lot of changes with my lifestyle in order to get back on track...I'm just still a bit confused and hurt right now and in the middle of facing...."changes" I need to face the truth you know? Somebody please come and be my savior...and help me out of the tretched horror....:(
♥ My World My Life
7:45 PM
♥ Saturday, April 24, 2010
"Sorry, But you're in my playing field now, friends or not"
I'll be the one to overcome this. I don't have to have you with me whether you pity me or not. You're in my playing field now, so if you don't wanna call me or talk to me or hang out with me anymore, okay we can play it that way. I don't care anymore, I have other people I can talk to, I don't always have to talk to you. If you're gonna judge me for who I am or who I'm with then that's your loss. If you're gonna stop talking to me and stop having contact with me and shit, your loss also. I may be a person who hates losing friends and is always the one who cares about you and my other friends most in return but if you don't treat me like a real friend I don't wanna be wasting my time by investing too much time into trying to get our friendship back to the way it was since you seem like you don't want it that way. It's fine with me. After high school you won't see me anymore, we only have a year left, go be with other people. You'll regret it. Don't blame me because I wasn't the one that pushed you away in the first place, it's because you pushed me away. It's too pointless to talk things out now also because you won't listen to me, and all I ever get in return is the blame. The blame is always on me for not doing things right, I have a life, I have my own reasons too I don't need to be sucking up to you all the time. I hate it. I hate apologizing and doing things when I haven't done anything wrong. I'm not trying to say that I'm always right, and I'm also not the "greatest" friend that you'll ever have or even had, but at least I was there to listen to your stories and try and give you advice, and hung out with you whenever I got the chance so that we can build a stronger a connection and friendship. If you'd rather hang out with other people fine with me, I can do that too. People drift, and let's say that you guys are the drifters and I'm the loner. Maybe destiny has chosen for me to be independent and lonely throughout my entire life, if that's how it's gonna be then that's how it is. My feelings are getting played constantly my life, friends, and the opposite sex....I don't trust anybody anymore. No one. No one at all. Fuck it. Fuck it all. FML. I hate it, but I have to deal with it and I guess that's just how life goes. I pretend to act like I don't care and act like everything's okay but in the end I just get betrayed, it's like my own 'circle of life' and it sucks. I get bashed on, I get played with, I get talked on, I get gossiped about, I get stepped all over, I get stabbed in the back constantly, I get rumored on etc. It's alright. I know I fucked up a lot in my life, but seriously, do I deserve this? No I don't. At least I think that I don't, but if you guys think I do, why not just kill me then? If I died, I don't even think anybody would give a shit. Other than my family. Which is only my mom, dad, and little brother. Let's look at it and put it this way, we're playing a game, a very challenging game, it's like a group VS. 1 person game...I'm battling and battling and doing my best and trying to beat the game and win over the victory that I want, but I'm struggling, so either I continue on and battle the other team that's going against me because they don't like me or want me here, or I just give up and shut off the game.
I'll talk to people and say hi to people if they talk and say hi to me but I'm done saying hi or talking to the person if they don't say hi to me. I'll still be nice to people who I hardly talk to. But that's it. Starting Monday. I don't care. Thanks for the support........my....'friends'. =/
♥ My World My Life
8:06 PM
♥
"Long live the KPOP Queen"
Both mine and Hyori unnie's pride is being hurt right now. I understand how she might feel T___T Not trying to say her life is going downhill but her fame might. My life is going downhill alright. Too many krap going on and too much krap to even be catching up with. & this whole Hyori plagarism shit is gettin' on my nerves!!! Hyori unnie has been in the music industry for 12 YEARS now, and I don't think she gained her fame from "plagarism" or based on it she's been successful for 12 years straight and is very well known. Lets see how far you're gonna go with suing her Cookie Couture. The hell are you trying to do suing someone who didn't even claim the song as hers? Very immature. She's been my idol for years now, and I look up to her because she has fame, fortune, talent, and everything else. Congrats, you've finally gained your fame and attention for suing a MEGA KPOP STAR who's had 12 years of experience and knows how to handle these things maturely and better than you Cookie Couture people. "Spread the news" yeah haha way to be mature artists, all you're gonna gain your fame for is for being immature, suing the WRONG person, and getting embarassed by it. YAY it's a whole new level of epic fail. :) Hyori unnie has a lot of fans, supporters, and I'm sure she has a good lawyer if she is THAT famous. We'll see how this goes.
♥ My World My Life
12:16 PM
♥ Friday, April 23, 2010
"Its. O-ver."
Mom, you're right, just one more year. I can do it, right? I will. As long as I have the strength, and courage I need and influence, I will survive and I'll make it. I just wanna get this over with right now. High school is sucha drag. But hey, there are still some memories that I'll never forget. Even though my first love MAY be a dick, but ...those memories are still there. =/ I won't forget the important people, even though I know that we're all gonna be leaving each other behind soon. One more year left until everybody goes their own separate ways, we'll be crying wondering when we'll ever meet each other again. But I think it's for our own good, we all have lives and goals to strive at. Even if high school isn't ending yet, I already feel like my friends are about to leave me....it's sad really. Two of my closest and best friends....a girl and a guy. The girl doesn't call me anymore like she used to,..ever since I dated my bf...and then she never really wants to hang out with me anymore either, on weekends and stuff she'd hang out with her old bestie who still is her bestie. The guy...it seems like he doesn't wanna have anything to do with me anymore....is it because he's having complications himself? Or is it because I dated my bf also...but he said he wouldn't judge me...but what's wrong then? ....He doesn't tell me things like he used to anymore...We don't laugh as much anymore, we don't say much anymore....I try my best to...but it's like almost whatever, because like my Dad said "Don't invest too much time with a friend who doesn't care about you because if they don't care then they're not your true friends" and then my mom brought up something too...the other day she said "Never fall in love with a person more than how they feel towards you, because your feelings will be cheated on" It's true. Always find the person who loves YOU more, and BE with them. I was really upset when I woke up today with the dream that I had...First we didn't talk at all for like a day, then I messaged him....and he made up an excuse, the next day, somehow, we were at the hospital? & I saw him talking and laughing with his ex and I saw the way he looked at her...and I just ran off through the building crying constantly, I guess the reason why I went to the hospital was to see him because he told me he was gonna be there after he broke up with me through messaging -___- I woke up after that nightmare and I was like "WTF ...WTH WAS THAT SHIT?!" Yeah...Today....Idk if I saw it wrong or not...but...it seemed like as if he was grabbing another girl's butt....like right when everybody was getting into the auditorium to see the talent show....and then when he sat down...It looked like he called her over and she leaned over from 2-3 seats away and kissed him....IDK IF THAT WAS RIGHT OR NOT! BUT I FREAKED OUT. He saw me, so then he came over and "offered" to sit next to me and I gave him a dirty look....Sometimes I may see the wrong things...I just don't know about this time. I just don't really care anymore, if he did that, he really doesn't love me. The thing is, I don't love him...I just really like him, but it still hurts to know that he would do that with another girl when he said I was the only one that he liked. LIES LIES LIES FULL OF LIES.
And here are song lyric quotes from different kpop songs that describe the situation I'm in & how I feel towards love, and friendship:
-"Saying that you love me/miss me/protect me/can't live without me, It's a lie. It's all lies.""If you're leaving me like this, then why did you make a promise with me?""How did we become like this? How did we get to this point?""If you leave, what can I do?""How was this person originally? A person that leaves coldly"-T-Ara [Lies]
"I dislike you more than the girl who has you, So I hate it when your eyes stare at me""I dislike you more than the painful memories, So I hate how you took my heart"-Brown Eyed Girls [Da Ga Wa Suh aka Closer]**I basically like the entire lyrics lol**
PS - I was drugged this morning. & I'm ready to step into a whole new world.
♥ My World My Life
4:59 PM
♥ Thursday, April 22, 2010
"This is who I am, at least I don't try going around & get myself to be more popular"
I swear, people nowadays...ugh...They think they're too good for most people, think they're all high and mighty and just out there, better than everybody else, acting fake when it's totally obvious that they are. Gawd damn people, if you're jealous, get a hold of yourself okay? Those things lead to many controversies. I can't wait to freakin' graduate and start a almost BRAND NEW life in college. People here at my school just simply suckass and judge people way too much well, I mean I'm sure all high schools are like that but seriously this school is way too small and ugh people generalize almost everything. But hey you know what, I'm gonna be majoring in Women's health, a Gynecologist, and also checking up for like breast cancer and that sort. I just need to get over my fear of seeing women give birth lmao. I'll get used to it. I'm taking a break on working on my portrait drawing today....So I'm gonna be reading my book instead!!EVEN THOUGH that today pretty much proves a lot of things, and shows that my life IS going downhill because it can't help itself? I'm still gonna stay strong no matter what happens! If you're positive things will get better (hopefully -__-) IGNORE THOSE WHO DON'T CARE SCREW THEM. (everybody)
♥ My World My Life
5:45 PM
♥ Wednesday, April 21, 2010
"Once again, I'll be by myself, unseen in the dark shadows"
I simply HATE where my life is going right now. I'm just so sorry that I sound depressing ALL the damn time but I can't help what all is going on in my life. I won't be able to see my grandma anymore...I'm starting to feel my friends slowly drift away from me as I'm chasing after them....I am a hopeless chaser ....I'm gonna have to bring everything up and snap out of it. I have to do better. Urgh...Tanganyika tomorrow....Hope it won't be raining all that bad and hopefully it'll be fun and not full of drama and shit.
♥ My World My Life
3:47 PM
♥ Tuesday, April 20, 2010
"Love Sick"
Tired of having my heart broken. Tired of just trying to look and desire for love. Love is just useless in the end, why would anyone wanna fall in love and then get themselves hurt over and over again? What's the possibility that everyone will find their one true love who will stay with them until the end? Love is what brings me down, shit I don't even know what love is anyway. It's not like it matters, I just wanted to ask him a question but he refused to answer, so now I know that what I all heard was true. Thanks. I just wanted to clear things up and get things straightened out between you and I but you don't even take my feelings into consideration, it's all about you isn't it. Maybe your life is now going downhill but so is mine, don't try and take me down with you even though I do care for you...well somewhat now...but at least I can care for a person more than you can and at least I listened to you and tried to keep you on your feet when you were down and I got none of that in return, I won't be here babying you all the time. So what's love and life like? A bitch. I can't do anything right anymore, I feel hopeless it's like I'm trapped in a world filled with little devils constantly just putting a curse on me, making all of my mistakes come out as sickening poison smoke that nearly just kills everyone including myself. If I had helped, I would've asked in this case, I don't have any help whatsoever. All of my friends...they're not even here for me....no...noo...stop asking me what's wrong, just stop saying that you're here to listen to me....because you can't do anything to help me. All you can do is listen. That's it, and just pity me. Watching me suffer is all you can do. What's the point in asking me what's wrong when you don't even care? Nobody cares obviously, I put everyone down...I let everyone down...Or maybe you let me down? Whatever it is. I just don't seem to care much anymore because this world is full of reused lies that will continue to haunt and hurt you for life and haunt you for eternity.
♥ My World My Life
2:32 PM
♥ Monday, April 19, 2010
"You've stepped into the wrong game & messed with the wrong system"
I just totally realized how much it hurts to be just singled out...I mean not just personally and physically and mentally but like just in general. If I was to become a model, or singing idol...I wouldn't make it. You know why? It's not that I don't have the potential or talent, it's just that America is so racist that they never let anybody else other than Blacks and Whites shine. They never give asians ANY spotlight whatsoever. I'm sure there are a ton of asians out there full of talent and are able to both sing and model, but America is so racist that they just single out every Asian they see because they don't want the minority to be better than them and then sooner or later take over. Ugh it disgusts me!
♥ My World My Life
6:31 PM
♥
"I'm lusting for your love, but we're never alone"
Okay as dirty as that sounds, I didn't mean it the dirty way either. Sex can wait. I just wish that I am able to hang out with him alone more often other than school but then again we're never alone at school either, especially with people walking all over the place including the staff. I just wanna keep kissing him and holding onto him...you know like normal couples lol but that krap is like way to ...extreme for publicity, specifically, school. It seems as if people have a problem with me dating him....and they're looking down on me and thinking less of me. Thanks. T__T....I don't think you should judge me that way, I think I have my reasons. People can be such critics..wth I swear. Bad news came up today too. Finds out...he's not graduating...=/ Ottoke? & what am I to say? I can't help with that except for just stating the encouragements like always. I feel helpless and hopeless lol.I'm sorry, and I'm not racist or anything, because I simply HATE racism but saying that America is racist is like an understatement because after watching "Deadliest Warrior" for like the 3rd or 4th time...the people on there are pretty ridiculous. When a Ninja goes against a Spartan...it's already obvious that a Ninja is going to win. Using common sense, it's Power&Strength VS. Speed,Accuracy,&Discipline. Speed, accuracy and discipline of course wins because power and strength will not do if you're not fast enough. The one with the Mafia VS. Yakuza....Yakuza should've won because they had experience, and were well trained warriors, and the Mafia people were just untrained thugs. Anybody can get a tommy gun and shoot people and other shit and have them die, but accuracy and being well trained is what counts. Like WTH....OMG even the computer calculations are wrong, it doesn't matter about the strength of the weapon it's the SKILLS that count. And NOOO I'm not just siding on the asian side because I'm asian but it's the truth and you can't hide or run away from the truth! THE REANACTMENTS SUCKED. I'm starting to have 2nd thoughts on whether or not I should watch season 2 tomorrow....I have a feeling it's gonna suck....But oh well let's just see..
PS - Ahhh...I just love how your bf, and then your best friend just makes your day.<3 :)
♥ My World My Life
5:28 PM
♥ Sunday, April 18, 2010
"This Is My Way of Saying Goodbye"
Tired of standing by all of the people's sides who aren't there for me. So goodbye I will now leave you alone.I haven't even finished my portrait painting, I mean, I'm almost there but we'll soon see how this turns out.
PS - I have to admit that I'm still not over about the fact that BOTH my planner and hoodie got lost OR STOLEN....Ugh...I'm pissed...I want the things that belong to me to be in MY possession. NOT SOMEONE ELSES.Oh & I'm showing the group project Video tomorrow...hope people like it..
♥ My World My Life
6:27 PM
♥
"Holy crap you can't sing!!!"
OMG Justin Beiber just STFU!!!! AGHHH!!! This is not the song that I wanted to hear at 9am on a Sunday morning!!! & No I DO NOT love you, and I DO NOT care! & STOP trying to act black -____- ughh...Him and Miley Cyrus I swear....Like both of their songs are good, but I don't like their voices T___T
Tomorrow...I'll be getting my test back...I still haven't found my god damn planner and I'm gonna try and see if I can find my jacket tomorrow....we're presenting our video tomorrow too.
OH! and Before I forget!!!HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY (SNSD's) JESSICA JUNG!!!<3
MAY ALL YOUR B-DAY WISHES COME TRUE, HAVE A GREAT AND WONDERFUL DAY ON YOUR B-DAY!
♥ My World My Life
7:03 AM
♥ Saturday, April 17, 2010
"Ahaa, you amuse me so much with your nonsense and foolishness"
LOL I totally know me and my best friend are gonna make a joke about this when we come back to school. So what happened was after the "I'm weak baby" lol he put up a profile picture of him and his gf kissing, supposedly "the one" haha, so I'm gonna see what happens lol. I know it'll go along with something like "EW OMG IT MADE ME WANNA GAG!" lmao
♥ My World My Life
6:10 PM
♥
"Here I am alone in thought, feeling neglected by the entire world"
This feeling hurts...it hurts more than ever...I cannot stop myself from crying...Neglected by love, friendship, family, and the entire world and even life itself. It hurts. It feels like my heart just wants to burst and have myself drown in blood...I don't know what to do anymore...these were the main things that kept me going in life, but now that I feel so neglected I don't know what to do with myself anymore...Is this karma? Did I really do something wrong? I think I should just be alone from now on....I just don't feel like I deserve any best friends or anybody close to me....I wouldn't survive long anyway if I had lived in this world by myself honestly....I wish there was somebody here to help me....Why won't you send me a guardian angel to look after me and to protect me?
♥ My World My Life
12:17 PM
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"You don't realize what you're truly doing wrong, till it hits you like a bullet train"
OMG IM SUCHA FAILURE!!!!!!! UGH....WHY AM I GETTING SO UNLUCKY NOW?! First of all, I lost one of my fav black hoodies yesterday at school and couldn't find it, second, my bf didn't show up at school like he said he would yesterday because he refused to show up to school late JUST because he slept in, then I stayed up till midnight working on our group project video for english, then I realized I forgot to bring my pallet home with my portrait painting so now I have to go out and buy paint T___T and I'm also behind in almost all of my classes...I have A TON of homework to do this weekend more than ever!!! ACT scores will be arriving next week which won't be so great. =/ Going to the wildlife park this comin' Thurs. with a group of people I totally DISLIKE...except for my two friends. and a couple of other people too. AND THEN I forgot to update yesterday....wtf....I ended up eating Mcdonalds yesterday and with Sprite too.....I never do that...I only did it because I didn't care anymore and I was kinda stressed and depressed about what all was going on. OMG someone just shoot me now and end my misery right this instant....
♥ My World My Life
9:24 AM
♥ Thursday, April 15, 2010
"I'm living a life full of lies and betrayal"
How did I ever get so unlucky? As my life starts going on, I'm starting to lose the strength and luck. I still have the confidence, but all the others are slowly slipping away from me. Maybe it's because of the people around me has to do with this...but wait...I cannot blame them...Was it the things I did and said? Sorry didn't know I was that much of a screw up. I used to be sucha lucky girl, but now I'm no longer lucky. Knowing how people are starting to dislike me more and more, it just kinda hurts knowing that when you're nice, all you get in return is betrayal and people step all over you.Today was my best friend's talent show audition ...he did great, everybody loves him, and even more now. As his best friend also, I'm scared that the popularity will get to his head and it might ruin our friendship, because it took us for this long to have our friendship get this far...I just don't want it to go to waste. Now I'm gonna feel like a loner, *sings CN Blue's song* LOL....okay not funny anymore..but..watch all the people come up and talk to him and just ignore me like I am a nobody. Great thanks, yes, I truly deserve it. My best friend deserves all of the attention though, he's talented, smart, and funny and gets along with everybody. He deserves all of that, because after all the things that happened he earned those things in return with his hard work.But...as for me...hard work....confidence...bravery...facing all of the risks and embarassments....I still get nothing...I used to think I have everything I need...I do mostly...Like a big house...a great family,....I get most of the things I want, I'm spoiled to the max...but in return, I get no respect, FROM ANYBODY, no encouragement, just full of lies and betrayal....Whenever I make mistakes, people just shove me aside because I'm supposedly a screw up bitch, then when it comes to him or other people, they just forgive them and forget like as if anything has ever happened...if only it was that way with me too...sometimes life is way too unfair...People say they care but they really don't. Everytime they say those krap to me...there's like a invisible barrier between me and the words and the barrier just reflects everything away from me therefore I cannot believe it unless there is somebody who is able to break the barrier. I feel betrayed, thanks for having me being born onto this word with a hopeless and meaningless life full of misery and disappointment.
♥ My World My Life
4:37 PM
♥ Wednesday, April 14, 2010
"I can no longer look at you the same way anymore..."
So I guess my "friends"/"acquiantances" weren't the only people who lied, betrayed, and stabbed me in the back and turned their backs on me...Seems like...my bf did the same too. Although it wasn't like it was directly but...after talking to one of my friends today about what had all actually happened...I didn't think he would be sucha....It hurts to say it but...sucha liar...and sorta an asshole, and I cannot believe that after things didn't work out with his first love, he decides to have sex with a whole buncha girls and sleep with them...that's just terrible..I thought I seriously knew him...I thought that he was better than to do that..but I guess I was wrong. I couldn't face him today...it was just too...bleh...I could hardly look at him when he told me to look at him...It was way too hard...Sometimes feeling betrayed just seems like the person who you thought cared about you as a friend, or more than that, just took a sharp piece of shard and stabbed it in your heart and left you there bleeding to death...sometimes it just hurts that much. If only most of the pain will go away. I just wish I was immune to that...but unfortunately we're all human...and we cannot avoid those things. FML.
♥ My World My Life
3:47 PM
♥ Tuesday, April 13, 2010
"When you learn to be yourself and not care what the world says, joy will come to you"
Ahh so today was not bad at all. Sometimes people like me just gotta learn not to care so much about your surroundings. It can be a habit if you start caring too much about what people think or say. Either way I still admit that I am still disappointed about it, I know we weren't close and all but at least we were friends. Thank you anyway. I still have respect for you and will continue to respect you so it will be okay. I guess when you have great friends to help the time go by faster with full of joy and laughter, things aren't so bad afterall :) especially with a cute bf by your side too :)I'm still busy though, school work and college crap is annoying me and seems like it's harder than I had expected. But I'll do my best.
♥ My World My Life
2:31 PM
♥ Monday, April 12, 2010
"So after all the help, this is what I get in return?"
Wow I knew something was wrong, I just know it and get the vibe when people don't like me. Maybe she thought I lost all respect for her when I didn't vote for her....Man I was RIGHT. Ugh. Just as I expected, I go onto FB then type in her name, and nope, nothing appears, it would usually go under suggested friends too but I'm not even on there, maybe I'm blocked 0_0......Holy hell...this could be bad...if she does it again next year..I'm done for...No helping out with anything..I'll just be in the dark shadows watching everybody BURN in the light lmao. :D But man this sucks, near the end of junior year...almost...and I'm gaining ENEMIES when I don't even try to....wtf...Thanks for judging me based on rumors and what your hear...!!! Ugh....Great this is brilliant...*sarcasm* and my bf is still super sick....wth...IM DONE. Eff the people who don't even try.Grow up.
*In conclusion: I'm doing everyone a favor and not going to prom, I don't wanna go anyway if people are gonna be immature about things, so don't worry if I'm not there of course you won't see my name on the ballot. But I just wanna say thanks for the memories, if we ever had any that is, thanks for being nice to me before, & I hope you're happy that you've driven me away.*
♥ My World My Life
7:32 PM
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"Everybody makes mistakes, but sometimes it can be an EPIC FAIL"
Today went alright for a Monday...and man I CANNOT find my effin' planner anywhere!!! GAH I'm kinda upset about that. Now I'm really busy too and I have to start working on my skull drawing and work on my painting during class, then I got a project to work on, then this Friday BAM I got a calculus test. Kill me now. Ugh.
♥ My World My Life
3:36 PM
♥ Sunday, April 11, 2010
"The feeling of rejection is 2x worse than feeling 2x happier than you are"
Sorry that only makes sense to me...lol...but hey...I'm feeling rejected by everybody right now...bleh Idk why...I don't feel like going back to school tomorrow....I just wanna stay home...but bleh we all know that I have to. ACT wore me out completely....My freakin' "bf" -___- signed out on me and couldn't even tell me he had to go....and I replied back to him like 2 hours ago after I came out of the showers, but he didn't reply, then like I find him online like just 12 mins ago...and now he just signs out great thanks. THIS WEEK I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO AT ALL.
♥ My World My Life
8:06 PM
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"Sometimes Dreams can tell you something whether it's good or bad"
So I had this super weird ass dream last night...I mean, it was sorta kool, but then again I forgot what happened to like the first half of the dream and that was most likely because I usually forget things in dreams if it is sorta long, and second of all because the first two parts got kinda cut off by me waking up and stuff lol. It seems like this is the first time it ever happened this way, because usually when I wake up, doesn't matter when but when I do the dream usually stops and doesn't continue or I get a new dream, but it didn't happen this time, it was like more of a continuation thing lol. Thing was after going through hell of taking the ACT yesterday....omg....I guess I really do want that iPod touch...I had a dream where I had both the iPod touch AND a super new and kool and kickass cellphone...and in my dream I was just messaging my sweetie...and bleh...I guess he wanted to end it with me? I forgot what the reason was....but I felt like I wanted to cry in my dream lol. Haha terrible...-____- I hope the bad luck wore off today...because I'm about to start working on my portrait painting after this.....PEACE. :)
PS - Make sure to look forward to my hopefully "soon" upcoming post of "STORY OF MY LIFE" lol. It'll be a review on my entire high school experience. I doubt this'll be posted soon...probably not until school ends.
♥ My World My Life
9:25 AM
♥ Saturday, April 10, 2010
"Reliving your worst nightmare is the worst thing that could come in mind"
After WEEKS of getting myself ready and practicing for the ACT, sacrificing every one of my homework THIS week just for it....All that came out was bad luck and was like the worst living hell of a nightmare I have ever gone through. Not to mention, school isn't going so well either, that day that things came out of my mouth did not turn out so well, now the two senior chicks hate me. Bleh not like I care anymore, they're about to graduate anyway. Well in other words, Junior year is about to end like a living nightmare that I would've never expected for it to happen, I thought I could keep myself under control but I guess not T__T I need to be more laid back...more calm and quiet. Sheesh. Overall, I don't think I did so well on the ACT....probably got like a 21 or less. SHIT....I was overwhelmed with a whole bunch of krap...and I'm still behind in my classes too. I realized I also forgot to write down the vocab words too and the quiz is Monday 0_0...EGH. I still need to be working on my portrait painting...I'm probably gonna work on it tomorrow since today is just full of BAD LUCK everywhere, and plus it's getting late and I'm tired from waking up early for the ACT...cause that thing DRAINED Me too. I don't even know why the hell we even got so much bad luck today...first our backyard idea didn't work out, then we were stuck sitting in the back of a restaurant between TRASHY people and with hardly any room between the seats and table, and THEN our ACT instructor placed my enemies sitting near me...wth! Then I zoned out 1/3 of the times on it and couldn't concentrate, and then MESSED up COMPLETELY on like almost near the end of ALL the sections. GREAT. LIFE SUCKS. Now I got people who hate me also. BAD LUCK.Now I probably won't win anything for projects fair either and nor will I pass the AP exam...UGH SOMEBODY SHOOT ME NOW. IF IM CURSED IMA SHOOT MYSELF -____-
♥ My World My Life
6:40 PM
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Dear goodness...Everybody's counting on me to do my best...I'm scared and nervous lol...Please give me the strength to do very well on this.............It's Time.
♥ My World My Life
4:48 AM
♥ Friday, April 9, 2010
"Being a nerve wreck won't help you get through what you need to do, just believe in yourself, calm down, relax, and do your best"
So ACT tomorrow, I'm hoping and so wishing that I do good. I might get a reward for my hard work and for my score, if it's a good one that is. I mean, I was like a nerve wreck a couple of days ago thinking there's only a week left before I have to take the ACT. I probably most likely will be nervous tomorrow when I get there. I'm doing my best to get ready and practice tonight and now so that I'll be mentally prepared and also relax and think positive things tonight to get my mind prepared as well. I'll do my best tonight and tomorrow. I'm also excited because I get to see my bodyguard tomorrow :D :D :D Last time I saw him was last semester, he's gonna be in the same room and me too :) So if there are no assigned seats, he's gonna sit next to me to support me throughout the test even though he's takin' it too, but it's so that I'll be less nervous and havin' my bodyguard there will encourage me to do better also. My mom told me encouraging words earlier so I feel better about that too. After I'm done with the ACT, it's time to let out a deep breath and just have fun, introduce my bodyguard to my family, drink some energy drinks LOL then possibly go shopping with my parents and THEN work on my portrait painting :D YES.
Look forward......to this....Relax AND have fun! I gotta remember that!Wish me luck.Er, break a leg? HAHA.
♥ My World My Life
3:30 PM
♥ Thursday, April 8, 2010
Okay so, obviously, my prank caller, just as I had expected, was told to prank call me, by a skunkbag. I am GOING to find out who that person is.That really offends me, and I really care about who my enemies are because I wanna have to know who to becareful around! Obviously this girl must not like me.
♥ My World My Life
2:31 PM
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"I've finally seen the fool out of me"
I absolutely feel terrible & I feel like shit too. I've made so many mistakes today that I regret and all of them added up together made me feel like shit overall and it's worse now. I need to get myself together, open my eyes, and realize what I'm doing wrong. I need to get a grip on reality and fix the things I am doing wrong. I need to stop. =/ I'm sorry everybody. I think it's because I've been so stressed out lately, plus, my parents have been pressuring me as well lately too. Every "bad" and misbehaved kid/teen has a background or history to them that has made them that way, you have no room to judge someone unless you know them on a personal level. Thanks. I didn't mean to say the things that I said out loud. Once again I'm sorry.
I'll be thinking about my mistakes and fixing them.I told myself that I'll become a good person in life.I'm still young and I'm still learning.Please, I hope that you understand.I'm sorry for all the things I have done and did everyone.
♥ My World My Life
1:19 PM
♥ Wednesday, April 7, 2010
"Can you see the emptiness in me that is now left behind?"
Now it all makes sense....because it explains to me all so well how people actually are. At my school, sophomores may be the exception..but seriously...are you competitive? Were you mad because I know more? I'm not trying to sound conceited and like I'm better than everyone else, but I'm just saying. That's how some people are. No one ever says anything about my "epic" ceramics piece of artwork anymore, but I'm definitely not backing down and continuing ceramics next year for both semesters, because I wanna be in the project's fair for ceramics class and I wanna have my artwork and art pieces in the show. So here we go! ACT this weekend, bleh, I gotta learn to relax, ....one of my friends and I talked about drugs lol I mean that's the last thing I'm probably gonna go to and consider it for...I just think it's a bad way of cheating lmao. Supposedly people say that drugs really work for them and help them concentrate more often, but if I use it once..I might get addicted to it...and things get worse from there on out. 2nd hour today...we were in the library working on our poem and stuff, I helped out an acquiantance, and well, it seems like she was thankful for my help since she allowed me to help her. My competition told her that it looks really good, with me standing right there, but then after she thanked me for helping her, she goes up to people and starts showing it to other people after it got printed off, and then my competition asked to see it, then my acquiantance said "nah it's alriiiiiiiight" ....that sorta offended me...because at least I applied some photoshop skills that I learned from the past and helped her with hers...and she just bleh. Oh well. If people don't appreciate it, it just means they're mad on the inside because I knew how to do those things. HEHE :) Idk though. 3rd hour...I realized I'm on the edge of being done for in that class...it's getting harder to understand and I might have to end up re-taking calculus in college again because the way our teacher teaches is difficult to understand and that class is just a mess with all of the students in there. =/ sorry to say. 4th hour, I can't wait to work on our video for our project, it's gonna be fun, I'm happy because we're doing something fun for once, leaving all of the essays and research paper behind. :DAP Exam....next month. Be ready. Be aware. My ACT score will determine almost everything.So will Project's Fair next month. SHIT...Project's Fair AND the AP exam are NEAR each other....DAMN...Great I am in a great amount of stress....SHOOT ME NOW.
PS - I'm wishing the best for my portrait painting and how it's gonna turn out, AND for my portrait graphite drawing as well.
♥ My World My Life
3:17 PM
♥ Tuesday, April 6, 2010
"Am I not Crazy Beautiful enough for you?"
Sometimes...I just don't enjoy the fact that whenever I date white guys...I always look down upon on myself...and then I make it feel and seem like the guy does it too. But I don't really know about that, of course in the past it's always been like that =/ BUT HEY I wouldn't be complaining about it and wouldn't be dating white guys if only there were more hot, korean or japanese or celebrity look-a-like asian guys out there...OR AT LEAST bring out the decent ones...WHO ARE FOBBY geez..all of them either act too white or too asian or are too nerdy, or are not good looking. Well around here anyway, and then the ones I wanna approach, aren't interested T_T eff you lol. Since I couldn't get to see him today...I was really disappointed...hella disappointed. I tried to hide that fact as much as I could, and it worked but couldn't get rid of how I was feeling...I mean he sent me a text on Saturday tellin' me he misses me so much and shit and that made me think that I was not lookin' forward to a 4-day weekend whatsoever, but hey I actually needed it for the ACT though but yeah anyway...so then I came back to school today, happily thinkin that I was gonna get to see him...and I felt like a god damn fool for thinkin that he'll be there and I'll be happy once I see him, but then he wasn't there. I have to admit, I was really upset and mad when I got home...I just kept thinkin' to myself..."If he really does love me the way he says, and misses me as much as he says...then he should've been at school just to see me...EVEN if he didn't feel like it or wtf ever.." Then Yeah...I started thinkin other krap too...like "I bet if that one chick went to our school and they were together, he would've been at school everyday no matter what" AND OMG that reminds me....when he dated his other ex..he used to be at school more often...but bleh he better not play that BS with me...>=[ It makes me feel like I'm being treated less than how he treated his ex's in the past...and I told him that too when I got a chance to talk to him, then he said that he wasn't like that...but Idk...Honestly...Idk..I'm not satisfied 100% I can tell ya that but...idk...damn...maybe this is why I said that I wanted to be single...FOR AWHILE holy hell, senior year I'ma be single lol. This shit is driving me crazy and it's hella distracting me, I'm not put out to be in a relationship. Sheesh. This shit sucks. But I'm not gonna worry anymore. I shouldn't be worrying. Bleh...honestly it doesn't even feel like we're together, by how he's acting, and by how I'm acting but that's because of him -___- Yeah sorry lol...I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. I just don't feel like he loves me like he says, I maen don't get me wrong, I really like him and I wanna give him a chance before he graduates and all and now that he's got the chance I really think he should take the advantage because first of all I'm VERY picky when it comes to relationships now, well I was back then too, and second of all, if he wants to gain my trust he's gotta prove things and shows that he really does care. I'm just neutral now though...him and I didn't get to talk long and I wasn't in the best mood to talk to him because I felt like I was being lied to...and that's not the best feeling in the world...and then..he told me he wanted me to be happy blah blah blah...IDK. It's just...whatever. I'm sorry I'm not drop dead gorgeous jesus. I'm sorry I'm not a white girl gawd. GRRRRR.......-___________- UGH!*holding the temptation of throwing things across the room*
.........................Love & Relationships are a bitch. :)
♥ My World My Life
7:25 PM
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"Are you done trying to bring me down?"
It's already sad enough that all of these people are obviously trying to bring me down. Lol this is NOT cyber bullying, this is NOT personal bullying, this is NOT physical bullying either, it's like a....mental bullying type of thing...or gossip bullying LOL IDK hahaha. But geez, all of these ppl be looking at me and saying shit. They need to back off 'cause they obviously don't know me like that, and I thought some of them knew me better than to be judging me and looking down upon me just by based upon on what they hear! That's sad, we're all juniors and seniors now? Get a grip and grow up, I'm here trying to get along with ya'll but obviously that cannot happen if you're going to listen to other people's shit coming out of their mouths that they pulled straight from their ass, and if it was my personal business that got around, no need to be gossiping about it! Mind your own business and talk about other people or something you did over the god damn weekend and try to leave me and my life alone, everybody makes mistakes. Either way, your gossiping won't get in the way of my education nor my artwork or any of that matter, I know there are other people who still like me. BLEH *sticks tongue out* BE MORE MATURE GAWD LOL. Bringing me down is not an option :) You're just making me more proud and strong :) I cannot lose to you people, and I will not fall before you people. You people aren't God so stop acting like it. Like you're all high and mighty. =/Well I'm off now and on my way of TRYING MY BEST AND HARDEST to do whatever it takes to get my ACT score up BABY.Dear gawd I sound like a nerd.
♥ My World My Life
2:49 PM
♥ Monday, April 5, 2010
So...I got NO improvements on the English part of the ACT whatsoever when I took it lol....again..for the 2nd time...BLEH I was a tad bit disappointed...but now I'm watching WGM S2 LOLSEO HYUN & YONGHWA LOL<3 CUTE COUPLE!!!! HAHA.
♥ My World My Life
7:37 PM
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"Be true to yourself, don't act like someone or something you're not"
Tae Yeon unnie has a serious face right there too lol. :) & I'm just starting to get sick and tired of all of these people who are acting so fake all the time. TWO people, a girl and a guy, I've mentioned about the guy on here before, they both used to be my best friends but now that's the past. I don't really care for them two anymore. They both have their own ways of thinking as to where they think they're better than everyone else now. I still freakin' see his comments on facebook CONSTANTLY it's not even funny. STOP commenting on EVERYONE's shit to try and get noticable...gawd...stupid people I swear..I know you want the attention, I know you think you're better than everyone else, I know you wanna be on the popular side blah blah blah. And since when did YOU start talking to a popular chick at school and then having her call you and you calling her?? & hell no I'm not jealous, because I pretty much know who the popular chick is too, maybe not on a personal level but I know the way she is and the way she acts. GRRR It makes me just wanna somehow delete his facebook ffs!!! It's sooo annoying, some of the people I'm friends with, he's sorta friends with too, but even the ones he hardly talk to, he comments on their shit too >=[ UGH so annoying!& THEN it gets worse...his ex, which used to be my best friend and all, I mean I guess you can say we're "kool" now, but honestly I have a certain feeling that she doesn't like me all that well, she says things like 'I'm here for you" blah blah blah, but she honestly, truthfully, does not act like she cares at all. She would say that to look like a good person in front of me and others, and would pretend to care so she would not look bad, well guess what? I don't need your sympathy, because if you don't like me, then don't talk to me, no need to act fake towards me. She also acts like someone or something she is not. Stop trying to dress all scene/emo because that's not who you are, we all know that...when you look at these type of people you can tell that they're out of place because the way they act and dress does not suit them whatsoever, along with their personality too. & then she starts posting updates on FB saying stupid stuff that makes you sound retarded,....even when you are mad lol. T_____________T like wth...that sounds so ghetto...I would only say that as a joke but she's serious. & since when did you start talkin' all ghetto FOO? LOL. haha jk jk. But seriously. I GUESS WHO KNOWS IDK LOL. But hey, once they get into college...they'll have to change somehow...=/ they're gonna be adults sooner or later so yeah.I'm true to who I am,I will always be THE ASIAN LOL. :D ASIAN PRYDE LOL
♥ My World My Life
8:14 AM