Designer: Agnes
Base Code: Tammy
Image: Enakei
Image Host: Tinypic & Photobucket
NOTE**: I DO NOT OWN THE ICONS THAT ARE ON EACH OF MY POSTS, THE ICONS ARE CREDITED TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS, THANK YOU [CREDITS TO: K-pop Icons]
♥ Wednesday, June 30, 2010
"We'll meet again in the near future, possibly..."
Well, this is definitely it. We're both heading in our own different directions. I said I wouldn't do it, but I already did. Now, I'm going to have to deal with it and just move on while we're both in different places anyway, well gonna be soon, once I leave too, wish I was gone for the same amount of time as him but oh well. As much as I didn't want it to happen, it happened =/ I don't want it to but it already did, so it's too late and I can't hold him back as to what he wants. So as of right now, lets just pretend that we're new friends who have just met and nothing ever happened. We'll meet again in the near future ....Farewell.
♥ My World My Life
12:33 PM
♥ Tuesday, June 29, 2010
"I think about you everyday..."Saaaaaad. As much as I'm trying to hold myself back, I can't stop thinking about him. I feel hopeless and drained, BUT this is it! It's almost time for me to leave here...4 more days, then I'm off!! Cannot wait! Afterwards I just gotta find time to hang with my Father & Auntie. lol. :) Go see a movie or something. Anywhoooo hehehe, I gotta let go of those peeps...I think it'll just be best to.
_________________________________________________________________________
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!!!
"It's time that I let you go"
Soo I was right. He's leaving to Australia to meet up with the other chick....for an entire month....who knows what they're gonna be doing. So now everything makes sense...he told me he was saving up money one time but never told me the reason, he posts up statuses about her on fb and msn, he always sounds unsure when he talks to me...it ALL adds up now. I'll be pissed if he comes back taken lol. Honestly though, I can't do anything about this and I got no power over this so I just might as well back off for as long as I can. At least I'll have a month to just think about all the things I've done. I've had enough really. It seems like I'm a total stupid retard every time I think about the fact that I wanted to wait for him when I'm sure I know that he thinks he's in "love" with her since he'd do anything for her, even saving up money and going over there to visit her =/ It makes me feel like shit and that I'm pretty much nothing compared to her. It's like I'm dirt and she's platinum gold that everybody would just wanna get their hands on 0_0 Thanks a lot douchebag for making me feel special. WOW that felt good saying all that stuff LOL. I just gotta stop being such a lil ....clinger T___T I broke the promise to myself about not talking to both of them for a month, but this is just like a farewell, so yeah. Anywho, I'm pretty much done, this is it! It's time that I let them both go so it doesn't matter. I'll just see how long they're gonna put up with me not talking to them for awhile. Like it matters since they both got ppl they care about. Psht. Buncha BS.
♥ My World My Life
10:15 AM
♥ Monday, June 28, 2010
I HAVE A FREAKIN' FACEBOOK IMPERSONATOR WTH.STEALING MY PICS AND MAKIN IT AS THEIR OWN.
♥ My World My Life
2:35 PM
♥
"Never Heard of Love...because of you"
PAHAHAHA my mom called me at 11:15 AM this morning on my cell just to wake me up xD then wth, my dad called me from the house phone pahahaha. I find that hilarious. My mom knew I'd wake up to my own ringtone so yeaah hahaha.
♥ My World My Life
10:51 AM
♥ Sunday, June 27, 2010
"This is who I am, I'm gonna shine, so watch me shine""It's a sin to come in between 2 people who belong together"
Today's a special today which is why there's two quotes. One just shows the reality, the other, it's who I'm found to be within myself. I'm gonna shine, I'm gonna debate for my opinions, stand up for who I am, I'm not gonna get put down by love or by other guys, I'm gonna stand strong, gonna be a gynecologist & obstetrics!! Conquer my fear!!!I'm beautiful, and I should know damn well and right that I shouldn't stand in between or come in between 2 ppl that like each other or could possibly belong together, and plus, mainly, I can't waste my time and invest too much time into a guy who likes another girl that much.!
I HAD A GREAT DAY TODAY HUNG OUT WITH MY FOREIGN BUDDIES AND CHILLED WITH THEM AND MY OTHER BUDDIES TOO! YEAAAAH. I'm deciding to just leave them behind. :) Into the new world now :D....Just gotta be who I am, act like myself....stand up for what I think is right, I'll fight till the end. FOR ME, AND ONLY ME.
♥ My World My Life
9:47 PM
♥
"Where is that person when I need someone the most?"
Today's 2 'theme' songs: MBLAQ - Y & B.E.G. - SIGNFor the reason being, MBLAQ's Y has a theme of "I wanted to give you a chance because I love you" & "If I can't have her, neither can you" Well that's what it's like to me. For B.E.G.'s SIGN, "Where are you when I need you most"
♥ My World My Life
7:52 AM
♥ Saturday, June 26, 2010
"One gone, one left to go"
Rather than falling deeply in love with them, I think I'd rather fall deeply in hate with them. Man talk about story of my life lol. I'm actually not findin this bothering me at all, probably because I knew it was gonna happen so wth lol. Anywayyy, I GOT A NEW PHONE, AAANNND THATS NOT IT HAHAHA OMG IM FREAKIN OUT!! I'm getting unlimited texting!! YES! Nothing that I'm really psyched about anyway, since I hardly text and now that I GET texting the people I WANNA text...probably don't wanna text me so it's WHATEVER. Anywayyy, I'm just glad I got unlimited though just in case, but anywhooo more minutes as well!! Unlimited talking on weekends and weeknights from 9pm-7am. THEN I'm getting the iPod touch for suuuure just gotta wait till I come back though =/ boooo! Anywayy he's in a relationship now, now the one who's going out of the country but yeaah. Like I care lol.
♥ My World My Life
8:37 PM
♥
Wish I was an Asian-Canadian, who lived in Toronto or Vancouver....I dislike being Asian-American booooo! :(
PS - Hoooo-RAYYY for interracial couples!!!
♥ My World My Life
10:59 AM
♥
"I am now just only a girl to you"
Ahhh...my cousin is lucky...I guess when it comes to both of our lives, I can't really say that she has it more easy going, actually, yes she does -_- but on the other hand she runs into the same things that I do too...which is why we understand how each other feels so much. I guess you can call it a bad/good thing. Weird. I mean, her parents let her out more than my parents do, she has a bf, she has a life, she can hang out with her bf and see him everyday. ME on the other hand, I'm going starting to go back to the old middle school days where I'm just lonely, quiet, independent, bf-less (lol), non-popular, non-social, just being the original nerdy self that I used to be. I guess it's not all that bad, it just means I can finally start focusing on more important and better things, right? I mean ever since I got into high school, I guess you can say that I abused the fact that I DID know sooo many people that I let my popularity get to my head. Not to mention I've never had that many guys clinging all over me like that either, so I let that get the best of me too, and now that I think back i just feel like a fool just "desperate" trying to look for a guy that will love me and whom I will love. Ridiculous right? Call me crazy. I just need to enjoy life the way it is set out for me right now, I don't really need them to calm my nerves and soothe me of my worries when...I can just be strong and do it for ME rather than others. Plus...he wasn't referring to me anyway =/ Which I am embarrased for that but I kinda knew and figured that it wasn't me. I'm just so glad I let all the other guys in the past go, I'm just soooo glad, I cannot stress that enough, it feels like the burden and weight and lifted off of my shoulders miraculously!! :D It's like I'm a totally brand new person, starting over, and into the new world!! Wow that sounds so corny. I guess I really haven't had anyone to talk to about my feelings...I don't have anyone anymore honestly, this is the only place I feel that my privacy won't be invaded, nor will anyone I know or knows me that will judge and pick on me for the things I say and how I feel. This blog is truly 100% honest and straight from my heart. This is the only place where I can only truly express all of my feelings and actually feel better about it! I guess that's why I've been blogging a lot more lately since I don't have anyone to talk to really...WELL Since he's gonna be gone the rest of July, I guess I'll be hanging out with Auntie and my Father after I come back from my trip, so it's all good. I have people to hang out with...I just...there are just some that sometimes I don't feel like hanging out with as much as my nice and good nature comes in...I just don't know what else I want. I wish there's just gonna be one day...where I'm proud and truly honest to say "I wish nothing would change, because I'm happy the way things are now" .....YEAH. Only a miracle would occur if THAT happened T__T I mean...my life and I are just sooo imperfect you just have NO IDEA. If I wanted things my way....then I guess I'd be the happiest girl alive...but...you can't always get whatchu want. By me saying that, I'm just being selfish really. I'm pretty much rambling on about nothing haha...I guess...I don't even know what to say or what I'm saying exactly anymore...Point is,....this is kinda it...Not necessarily there yet I guess but I'm predicting that it will soon be...2011...what will you bring me? I have to be ready, I have to be prepared to stand up against ANYTHING. So yeah this IS kinda it...I gotta be ready to control my feelings and just let go and admit the fact that whatever happens, happens, and that I can't change that or anything else. Trust me, if I had the power, I would change things, but then again that wouldn't be fair to the rest of the world and that's just me being and thinking selfish again. *long sigh* I'm almost at the breaking point where I'm just pretty much done with everything and just wanna start all over, like ...erasing my memory and just starting over from the beginning. Bleh 7 more days 'till I leave. I'm not talking to them for awhile so yeah. It could be a month, or 2...or longer...Well, I hope you two have the best of luck I guess, have a great life and hope you enjoy your life with the girl you love. I'm ready to tackle any obstacles that get in my way. This time, it's not for love, it's for me and my life. No more fighting for love...because I just feel SO effin' stupid for making it seem like I'm waiting for him!!! Which I kinda was to be honest, but now...I'm gonna do it for my sake, because I need to get a better control of my feelings and STOP falling for people so hard and fast! It's a BIG issue that I gotta soon fix myself, so therefore, I'm gonna be single for awhile, NO MATTER WHAT. Plus I don't really feel like dating anybody anyway...I'm gonna turn down everyone for awhile. Doesn't matter if he's drop dead gorgeous either, he's gonna get the same answer as all the other guys really =/ It's gonna hurt LOL but I'm ready for it. He'll understand but I HIGHLY DOUBT it'll be someone drop dead gorgeous...0_0 No more waiting, it's just me, myself, and I. I'm gonna be ready...I will be ready....I AM ready...so bring it on.
*** I, vow, today, Saturday, the 26th of June, in 2010, at 11:04 A.M., that I will not date anyone until 2011.With that said I WILL also continue to NOT date even if it is 2011 unless I am certainly 100% ready, and 100% sure about my decision***
♥ My World My Life
9:07 AM
♥
"Wtf. Great, thanks for ruining my day and a happy moment from yesterday"
Okay so early in the morning I just wake up and I don't even get a "good job on the ACT" or any of that shit when I totally worked hard to raise up my score from last time. All I got was getting yelled at early in the morning just for saying "hold on" how great is that? Guess my score isn't good enough or whatever, I'm deciding to take it the 3rd time since it won't hurt and I'm gonna try taking the writing with it too so yeaah. September. Man wth are you ppl trying to do to me?! Making my life like shit? Omg, I'm tryin to overcome all of this slowly, but so far no one is making it any better!! First, I realized how me being trapped inside the house for so long is making me go literally insane, second I find out that the guy I really like has a lover who has a bf and decided that he is going to hide from me and lie to me about the fact that he's gonna be gone the rest of July to go over there and visit her!! and now this shit with my dad?! OH HELL NAW. >=[ shit wtf.I'm done. Everything was just a lie.Everything was definitely just TOO good to be true.
♥ My World My Life
7:18 AM
♥ Friday, June 25, 2010
"Not gonna deal with any of this BS"
I'll just stop from now. I'll stop. I really need to stop for real. I don't need to to be talking to them anymore. That should be a promise to myself too. I don't need to be focusing so much on guys that it's nearly ruining me, I'm GOING to listen to my auntie!!! I'm not gonna put up with any BS, starting as of today. I need to start going with what I say and promise myself. We (as in just me, my mind, and imagination) all know that when he says "out of the country" he means he's going over there to see and visit her, .....watch this vow be over with after July is over....Guess we just won't talk for an entire month. I'm down with that, I just need to get over him 0_0 I shouldn't have liked anybody anymore...blah...No more with him, no more with the other guy either. I'm alone and independent from now on. Afterall, why am I just gonna let them use me like that? Why? Shit I just feel like I've been lied to and used the entire time, what the hell?!?! Okayy, I was planning on pulling an all-nighter since I'm just...so freakin' pissed well not really...but more of mad, sad, and depressed right now but I'm not freakin' gonna go emo about it and put my skin & beauty at risk!! Can my love life go downhill any further? With that to answer, yes, it can, it can go as deep into the depths of hell as much as it may want to. T__T I don't care, to hell with love and relationships wtf. Ugh. I just need to focus on being single and being a proud asian LOL REPRESENTIN!! pahaha. There's just only one room for a gift now....for Mr. Right. I'm gonna get only one gift but....I'm not gonna consider it as getting it for them but more of as...getting it and saving it for Mr. Right.Can't believe I fell for this BS. I feel like a fool.
♥ My World My Life
10:48 PM
♥
"Looks like my 2 different lives are taking 2 different opposite turns"
SUCCESS in getting a higher score on the ACT than last time!!! YES. I will probably be getting that iPod Touch now, AND a new cell :D :D :D DAMN I'm sooo happy right now!!! But booo I gotta vacuum & fold laundry tonite, it's all good though, I'll be leaving in a week! Bleh things are turning out better and better in my ...whatcha ma call it... "Lonely, family-life" xD but on the other hand...my love-life is going down the drain, but I should just put it to the side anyway, so like it matters! Plus, I always feel like I'm just the rebound anyway....like as if I'm being used by them just because the other girl is TOO far away from them. Oh well, I'll let them decide. I'll just stop talking to them for awhile. :) HEHEHEHE. >=] I guess I'll still buy them gifts and stuff, and for my best friend too. I'll just give the gift to my best friend first, and then if they prove worthy of their feelings to me...I'll give it to them. So yep. Everything won't be determined until 2011 anywayy. I just can't wait to get my own car also! AND DAMN...I forgot to show them the pics of the cars hahaha fail. I'm starting to really like River Monsters!! Jeremy Wade IS SOOOO SUPER DI-DUPER KOOOL! xD Tonite at 10!! HEHEHE.Gotta get my krap done tonite though, and then tomorrow, some more driving/parking lessons with my dad, and then off to go buy my foreign friend a gift for her farewell party!! :( Which will be on Sunday, but I sure as hell will be there. 6 days from Sunday, I'm off to Dallas & Arlington Texas babyyy, we'll be gone for an entire week! THENNN...I don't know what the hell I'll be doing afterwards...I don't even know if my parents will allow me to go out afterwards, THEY SHOULD! lol...no reason why they shouldn't. I think I'm gonna go catch fireflies with my auntie and best friend probably....it's what I wanna do. Can't wait to go shopping like crazyyyyy though, I should get something for my auntie too!! HEHEHE. Man bustin up on all the money... =/ xD I'm also wanting and hoping to get more piercings on my ears too x)
Guys, wish me luck, may my unknown, anonymous, but protective & loving guardian angel from above send me tons prayers & love ♥
♥ My World My Life
3:11 PM
♥
"As parents, you gave me more scars than any guy ever had in my entire life"
I may sound selfish for saying this, but all of this comes truly from the heart.I really do appreciate all the things that my parents have done for me, or HAVE TRIED to do for me.Honestly though, most of the times, they've done nothing but scar me.Trapping me inside this house like I'm a worthless prisoner, I don't have any power or control over my life or how I want to live my life, I just wish there was somebody to set me free from this horrid cage. At first I thought I had found the guy that would help me, but he wasn't the one...and then the other one, his heart belongs somewhere else obviously =/ and for the OTHER OTHER one...he's just too busy worried about himself and all the other girls he enjoys talking to and flirting with. No one can save me now, if only there was a miracle...but then I'd just be crazy to be thinking that. I know you care about me and worry about me, but is this the way to treat me in reality? Do you even know what you're doing to me and do you even know how much this has affected me or IS going to affect me? Thanks alot. I hardly have any freedom and everyday I'm suffering from breathing the same air and dust inside this damn house every single day and I can't even leave the house when I want to, I cannot wait 'till I turn 18 and I think by that time, I don't think you'll be of much help to me either since all you're going to do is lecture me about how I'm still too young to even be doing whatever the hell I want. I just want to prove to you that I can do it, learn more about life on the outside, learn more of what I want to do in life if you let me out of this damn contraption of hell! That I can make it without being trapped inside this damn house 24/7. I'm starting to get so sick and tired of being bored all the time, I just wanna fall asleep in a long coma, as long as I want it to be, as to where I'm my own world...full of endless dreams, fantasies and eternal bliss and where I'm free to do whatever I want and actually be ABLE to be happy. I'm not going to let you control my life or my happiness, even if that means I DIE. I'm sure enough done with this and I have my mind set on the fact that I'll prove to them that I can make it through with all this without their CONTROL over my life! I think that them controlling my life is what is holding me back right now...holding me back from everything, the reason for my illness, the reason for my insecurities, the reason for my stupidity, EVERYTHING. I just wanna find that one person, and run away with them,..run away from life and just live a happy life. BLEH...but I gotta consider MY own happiness and life first before I even think about my future "partner" since it's WAY too early for that krap. I'll do whatever I can.
Believe me.Watch over me, my guardian angel. Please.Please...somebody save me...
♥ My World My Life
11:50 AM
♥ Thursday, June 24, 2010
Gummy...you sure know how to explain, describe & understand how I feel...
♥ My World My Life
5:41 PM
♥
"Sorry that I can't give you more than what I have"
I realized that you can't even trust yourself because of what you might say and based on the actions you take, so obviously, you can't really trust anybody =/ Sometimes I don't even trust my parents for that matter because they're not always right and even though they WOULD know mostly of what is best for me, but I think I also know what is best for myself too. No one, I mean I repeat, NO ONE can be trusted. Most definitely not the guys that I like right now too. I made a vow so I should stick to it, I shouldn't be worried, I'm less worried now, it's his choice, and it's to whoever he chooses to be his, I'll be fine either way because only 2 months after his vow has been made, I'm graduating and moving onto college, so I'll meet other guys there, It won't be that much of a big deal, I just was hoping that I didn't have to go to WSU T___T But I'm kinda forced to so it's really whatever lol. I'm not looking forward to it really, the only thing I'm looking forward to is graduating. I should also make a vow as to where I'll have the best summer, well...I was thinking about it, but the only time I'm probably gonna have a good time is during Texas and that's it...other than that I don't really think my parents are even gonna lemme outta the house anytime earlier than this or any later for that fact -___- Damn parents. At least I'm getting a new cell this weekend and hopefully I can text more than I usually can. God damn it, why do my parents have to be such cheapskates FO REAL. With the "issue" that I'm having now, I guess I should LOWER the amount of time that I talk to him and stuff, the both of them that is...because I'm thinking of what my cousin said, but then I'm also debating on what my old middle school friend told me too, they're really good view points coming from both sexes xD My cousin, which is a girl, she said that "if he's not devoted to you, you don't needta be" and that's definitely true! It's like ...I don't have a life if I keep chasing after them if they're not devoted to me and having feelings for some other girls and flirting with a whole buncha other girls!!! But then again...I also have the choice of keeping them close, that way when I'm ready....they just MIGHT be my options >.< Because just like my old middle school friend said...he said that since the other girl lives in a whole 'nother country, I have the advantage so I should take the advantage....but still...it won't change the fact as to where his heart is...and where it lies...is it still in for debate? Or has he kinda already made his mind? We all won't know until the time comes....when the time comes, then we'll know if his heart lies with her or with me...or possibly some other chick .... 0_0 I just wish I was more like the main character in my book...strong, hot, and lonely and doesn't care about the guys in the world LOL Honestly right now, I think his heart belongs to her, or somebody else that I might not know but I don't think he'd lie to me since he was honest enough to tell me he liked another girl other than me. =/ I mean....I'm sorry that I can't give more to him than what all that I have...I can't be any more "perfect" to attract his attention but it usually just depends on how the guy feels about a certain girl so I have no right to object to anything or to interfere with his love-life since it's his choice, and even if I was more "perfect" (I don't mean perfect, perfect but I don't know how else to put it so I'm using this term lol) I don't think he'd care because it's who he likes/loves that actually only matters. But they're GUYS you never know, men like to be lil devils. The book I'm reading right now, makes guys look like nasty, perverted, jerks xD It's funny actually.I'm hoping to read it some more today if I get the time. I kinda doubt it since I shoulda been studying for my test last night but I stayed up talking to him =/ I feel bad now. Well I'll still get an A in the class if I don't do good on my test anyway...but since I have to study for it during classtime I don't think i'll have the chance to read my book... :( booooo! It was getting good too =/ TODAY'S MY LAST DAY OF GOV. SUMMER SCHOOL BTW!!! WOOOOOT! I'm soo happy for myself, that I don't have to see those damn stupid, rude people anymore!! LOL. Wish me luck, PEACE :)I'ma senior babyyyy, Gonna have fun with my bestie next year! :D
♥ My World My Life
9:03 AM
♥ Wednesday, June 23, 2010
"When you look at me, do I look like this?"
Ahahaha, I love this book! It's great and funny and good! It also helps time pass by too!!! HEHE. Fickle!!
♥ My World My Life
4:56 PM
♥ Tuesday, June 22, 2010
"Hey you! Yeah you, don't be a dumbass!!"
FINALLY THE RAT DIED.It deserved it after what it had done to me!!! Damn thing. I swear, if I had the chance I'd slit its throat! and burn it alive!Freakin' dude being dumb feeling sympathy for it!
♥ My World My Life
5:40 PM
♥
"It...bit and tore up my shoes..."
YEAH you heard me! You DAMN RAT! I'm gonna kill you the next time I see you, I've had enough of this bullshit! It bit and tore up my fuckin' shoes!!! MY FAVORITE ONES TOO. If it had touched my high top pumas, I would've fuckin' got a torch and hunt it down and burn it alive, I'm not kidding!!!! My dad said that he'll catch it today, and I HOPE SO. He doesn't even deserve to die by a mouse trap and get thrown in the trash, what he needs is some SPLICE action!!! Just like how Fred & Ginger ended up just killing the shit out of each other, 'cept it won't be killing me!!! <-- Splice Spoiler for ya!! haha. But anyway, ahh 3 more days of summer school left. I am SOOO glad that I took government over the summer. =/
♥ My World My Life
8:54 AM
♥ Monday, June 21, 2010
OH. MY. GAWD.
There is a fuckin' rat in my garage
that I just saw
that I just wanna BURN AND
KILL so FREAKIN' BAD
because it ran across my shoes
and I'm pretty sure it took a shit
around near my shoes or IN
THEM. I'MA fuckin' kick that
thing and step on it next time I
see it. I will get a torch or some
heavy, metal, object and throw at
it and hit it 'till it bleeds insanely
and die!
NO RAT WILL COME NEAR
MY SHOES & give me a
heart attack like that EVER
again!
♥ My World My Life
5:20 PM
♥
"Wishing on a hopeless star"
Oh greaaat, my teacher decided to cram in everything on the last week, so I'll probably be staying up late to work on all of this crap. I know that we'll have more stuff to do later on in the week so I will not wait. I'm also planning on going back to my lil "diet plan" also =/ I'm getting chubby in unwanted places and areas of my body -___- I'm also really eager for Death Bell 2 to hurry and come out and have somebody sub it lol and also I'm ready for summer school to end so that I can go on that vacation. I also gotta find scholarships to go after for too, can't wait too long T__TGuess I won't be talking to anybody tonite 0_0 I got so much stuff to do it isn't even funny blehhh. Gag.I'm getting dark circles around my eyes now, really bad ones even though they've always been there.I hate my summer class so bad, all the people there are so rude, conceited, and so dumb =/ I had no other way to say it. When I go on the trip I'm gonna have to have a shopping list, and then I gotta kinda "secretly" buy stuff like gifts for him. :D
♥ My World My Life
3:42 PM
♥ Sunday, June 20, 2010
"This is gonna be a big mess"
OMG this is.........absurdly ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!
♥ My World My Life
8:05 PM
♥ Saturday, June 19, 2010
"Aigoo~ You give me such many surprises, you give me the hope & confidence I need!"
Currently listening to CN Blue's Love Revolution!!! Well its about to end haha. But I think I might be infected!!!! I hope not.I think I got shopping issues too... =/
♥ My World My Life
9:31 PM
♥ Friday, June 18, 2010
"What does it mean to prove your love to somebody?"
That line came up right at the top of my head....but I swear I could've used it somewhere before 0_0 PAHA I'd laugh if I already used that on my blog lollllll! I wish my hair would cooperate with me everyday...that way I don't have to worry about it sticking up in some odd places, my hair isn't all that anyway -__- I'm just waiting for the rest of the layers to grow long! I'm starting to grow impatient and I really wanna dye my hair again >.< I might become addicted xD That's bad though....My stomach hurts so bad right now...it's like I took some medicine but it doesn't look like it's working whatsoever....Bleh...Other than my body problems =/ I'm just leaving the whole "love-life" situation aside for right now. I really miss him and I wanna say 'bogoshipda...oppa..." .....xD haha so cornyy and korean-drama-ish. Anywayy...yeah I don't need to worry about things like that anyway, not at this moment in time though. I really hope he doesn't change his feelings by the time the date comes....I'm not gonna worry anyway, and as for the other dude, he can flirt all he wants to I don't care anymore lol. Honestly. haha. But for the other one, ahh...I love talking to him...it's like he puts me in a world full of no worries and I can just feel like I have all of this power, strength, hope, and faith that builds up inside of me and all of a sudden I'm charged up to get ready to face anything....wow...it's like so amazing and magical that I can't even word it right!! xD That's just how kool he is :) I get lost in my words haha wth cheesy...But I feel like I have something to fight for and get through with...like it's like...I need to do all of this and get through all of this for his sake you know? BLEH OK i'll stop before it gets outta hand LOL.Peace:)
♥ My World My Life
3:02 PM
♥
"I am, who I am, you cannot change that"
Bleh them hoes. Even though as much as I know that there are hoes everywhere, I can't help that fact. Sometimes you just gotta trust the one who supposedly states and says that they love you/like you only. That trust is hard though, especially when "flirting" is supposed to be a natural thing? I mean, I guess he has the right to flirt with whoever since he's not in a relationship since that's who he is, but if you wanna prove your love to somebody that's definitely not the way to go -___- obviously. I would be mad though if he decides to flirt with other ppl while dating me, but I don't care about that anymore, and I know I kinda screwed up saying "It doesn't matter" to him last night but it's whatever. I need to stay true to myself, them bitches and hoes, I am who I am and no one can change that. I am unique for who I am.
♥ My World My Life
2:49 PM
♥ Thursday, June 17, 2010
"Looking ahead & being strong, ...til' the end, for his sake"
Last night...those words, I could not forget..."I will always be there for you unconditionally, whether you hate me or like me" Words of such sweetness...Ahh...I wanna be the girl for you,but I'm not gonna get my hopes up too high.
Bogoshipda.
♥ My World My Life
6:32 AM
♥ Wednesday, June 16, 2010
"How would I feel and react after looking back?"
Ahhh...I am for one the Asian girl the procrastinates!
I, for one, vow that I will not have a guy interfere with my daily life and education no matter the circumstances,I will avoid high levels of flirting,and will not have any guy's action affect me whatsoever, I will not go out with a guy until next year,and when I do,I have to be sure of everything before I do so,I will also not give in to peer pressure,and not look back on anything and have guilt.
♥ My World My Life
5:35 PM
♥ Tuesday, June 15, 2010
"You're just mad and jealous because I'm fobby"
Ahhh nothing like chillaxin on a summer day, watching Stairway To Heaven!!! x] The only time when I'm actually "allowed" to cry is when I watch this drama series lmao. All the other times are just unnecessary and pointless xD because it tends to be over something stupid! haha. I just totally wish that one day a guy would say "That's right. That's how you smile" to me xD just like in the series haha. ahhh...well my life is already like a dramatic asian drama series 0_0 WAYYY too dramatic and overwhelming!
Anyway to the serious, dramatic, point as apart of my life -____- I don't know who he's talking about or is referring to....I wish it was me, but I don't wanna hope or say that it is, because I will probably and most likely get my hopes up too high and then it might end up not being me then I end up falling into a spiraling whirlpool of depression and darkness 0_0So I don't know, I guess we'll just have to see won't we....?Don't worry I won't lose all hopes yet, and I will definitely not act like how I did last time.It's time to bring my head up and think of the positives and focus onward in my life!HWAITING!
♥ My World My Life
4:56 PM
♥ Monday, June 14, 2010
"I can't stress enough to you on how much you mean to me..."
It's usually just not that often when I decide to say the things I don't mean =/ Forgive my attitude and such, I was being a bit bitchy. I called my friend and talked to him and he told me what hit me pretty much...he said "You probably like him a lot since I think you're looking into it a bit too deep" Somewhere along those lines...sorry I have a bad memory lol. But he's totally right, that is something that messes up a relationship the most. I really don't want misunderstandings so I should just continue to keep talking to him :) I'm glad I did though, because having me talk to him makes me feel better and feel like I can trust him. I wish I could see him more though. It would be truly nice.I am now re-watching Stairway to Heaven x] my all time favorite Korean Drama :D It's so dramatic, sad, and heartbreaking!
♥ My World My Life
7:25 PM
♥
"I should've never let this happen..."
What could I do? I should just forget about it and throw away everything. Even including my memories with him, I just don't think I should talk to him for the mean time anymore, I know I shouldn't have gotten even a BIT attached. I should've stopped when I had the chance. & now it seems like...there's stuff going on with him, that either has to deal with his ex, or the girl he really likes....I don't know what to do. I'll just drop it. I'll still talk to my friend though. I wanna see if he knows anything.
I am done.Forget those two.I am on my own, gonna be lookin' forward to other things.
♥ My World My Life
3:38 PM
♥ Sunday, June 13, 2010
"You ppl are dumb."
OMG SERIOUSLY?! It's happening ALL OVER!!! My yearbook, and facebook wtf!!!?!?!? Is it really appropriate and necessary to tell ppl 'I love you' to another person when you already said it to the person who you supposedly care about the most??? Or I mean, wth, You're not supposed to say 'I love you' and put a lil heart at the end to another person when you're in a relationship or trying to devote yourself to another person!!!
I signed off on both of their asses btw. They're both just being weird and BLEH.One is just hiding things and not talking, the other one is just bein' a suck up & I caught him commenting on another girl's pic so I just signed off on his ass and then the other one too.
I'm totally done lol. I should learn things from Gyuri. :) & Tiff.I'm not gonna waste my time anymore,when they actually wanna talk to me, they can say so, or I'm just gonna leave it at that. Starting tonite!!!I hate the feeling of being used, so I'm just gonna stop :)
♥ My World My Life
8:36 PM
♥
"Melancholy feeling on a rainy Sunday night...Is it ...because of me?"
Is it because of me? I know I shouldn't be like this, it seems like there's a ton of stuff he's hiding from me and won't tell me about it but...I shouldn't be complaining. The only person who will make time pass and have me not think about this stuff is my cousin...but she lives all the way in New Jersey... =/ We can only talk on phone and thru AIM ergh. Ottoke? It feels like...he likes me but then again it kinda feels like he's just using me in a way....Idk...But...my cousin is right...She said "if he's not being devoted to you right now you don't needa be" That's so true....I don't need to waste my time investing my feelings towards him when he's not being devoted to me right now, that'd just be hella pointless. 0_0& she also said "If you find someone better don't wait for him" That's also true too....you see...I'm just too blind to notice these things until someone slaps me in the face with those words LOL I needed that slap! But whatever.
♥ My World My Life
7:40 PM
♥
"My Wings are stolen and broken because of you"
This is absurdly insane & ridiculous. I just got done going to the movies and to Ihop with my friends yesterday just to hang out and we saw Splice and stuff, we were originally supposed to have our foreign exchange friend come with us but she had to go to camp with her family. So we're like, we'll just keep our plans and then make a new one when she comes back, but WTF this morning my dad is like "you're not going anywhere for the next few weeks because i gotta teach you to drive" WTF who do you think you are? Seriously? To be keeping me in my house like this when I'm 17? Fuck it. When I'm 18 you hardly will see me around in the house all the time!!! I got other shiz I need to do, I got my own life to deal with too okay? I just wish that I had my own bodyguards....one who's korean and one that's Japanese but can both speak English =/ That way they won't always be like "BE CAREFUL. DONT LISTEN TO ...BLAH BLAH BLAH" omg. This is killing me!!! Wth am I supposed to do? Ugh.
♥ My World My Life
10:15 AM
♥ Saturday, June 12, 2010
"I want you and I hope to have you, soon"
AHHH AFTER takin the ACT i feel sooo god damn relieved. I'll update more tonight since I'm such in a good mood today!!!!~
____________________________________
Update! Well I'm so glad and relieved that I got to see him there ♥ He's sucha sweetheart. He held me during the entire movie!!! HOW CUTE!!! I loved being in his arms!! He was so sweet, he made me feel so loved, since he kept kissing my head every now and then and held my hands or rubbed then and rubbed my arms too....BLEH I so wish it lasted forever!!! But I know I got my limits..... :( I gotta be careful and not fall for him.!!! It will be bad if I do so. But we kissed twice :) I was so happy, he totally made my day yesterday!!!The time with my friends yesterday were freakin' hilarious!!! We went to Ihop and talked about a whole buncha things! My middle school friend definitely made it the best time!! I'm glad he came! I'm so relieved to have such great friends too...I really enjoyed yesterday, the best time in soooo long!! Splice was so freakin' insane, weird, crazy, and unexpected BUT expected! hahaha. So much sex xDAll I'm hoping now....is to hang out with him again soon, hang out with my friends & foreign exchange friend, and hang out with my auntie!
♥ My World My Life
6:01 PM
♥ Friday, June 11, 2010
"Where is the hope when I need it?"
I just hope I do good tomorrow...after expecting that I'd do good last time since I practiced and studied for 2 weeks straight before the day of the ACT...It turned out I didn't do so well. So this time, I'm trying not to be so nervous when the test time comes, and that I can just be calm during test-taking time. No matter how much I keep doing the practice tests, I seem to miss nearly 15 or more questions all the time. The max and highest score I ever got was a 25 on the practice, but my actual score was a 20. I was really disappointed and sad the last time, I nearly cried. 20 definitely would not do me any good whatsoever, neither would a 21. I just hope I get a highers score this time =/ I really do. People say that it's just usually something that comes from you and you don't really need to practice because it's all about brains, and I somewhat agree, based upon someone who I know that has taken it more than 2 times and got the same score every single time. I just need it this one time...give me the chance this one time...please...
♥ My World My Life
2:52 PM
♥
"Flirting with other guys while you're in a relationship doesn't make you look any better!"
Gawd, I swear, girls are turning into bitches more and more nowadays. It pisses me off. Maybe it's just America IDK, but these girls here have lost their minds!! They crave attention like fuckin' crazy, they think they can show off their body whenever and wherever they want, and flirt with any guys they want. That's not how these things should work honey!!! I hate it, like wtf. Don't go around flirting with other guys when you're in a relationship stupid fucks! Quit being such skanks! Saying stuff like "Oohh I miss how we used to talk all the time, I miss talking to you" .....OMG STFU, does your bf know that you go around saying that kinda shit to other guys? I hope ya'll girls burn in hell. Maybe now I know why guys get lured in by other girls so easily.....it's because girls can't control themselves when they think they can have all the guys they want. Being pretty and having good looks ARE A PRIORITY, doesn't mean you can use it to your advantage to get any guy you fuckin' want! Good looks mean nothing if you're gonna be a dirty hoe, so stop being such nasty whores!!! >=[ GAWWWDDDD!!! & wtf is this shit, there's this one chick who keeps saying stuff like "I miss you...we need to seriously talk...call me...or you call me whenever you're free" ...UGH YOU MAKE ME WANNA GAG. I hope your bf catches you and dumps your ass, if he's okay with you doing stupid shit like that then he's a DUMBASS, ....on second thought, I don't want him to dump you because then you'd go chasing after my man sooooo I just hope he gives you the worse time ever. I hope you suffer, choke, and die bitch. xDDD Omg hahaha I'm so mean, I'm just so mad right now lmao. I just know WAY too many nasty, skanky, bitches nowadays it's pissing me off. "did you get my texts last night?" OH. MY. GOD. I just wanna get a horse and have it rape you!!! UGH. Then...there are rude bitches like the ones who think they're all kool and shit just b/c they're independent or whatever but don't get along with that many ppl because they can't control their mouths since it's like diarrhea. -__- How the FUCK can you be or say that you're social when you also state that you don't like people? WTF. I don't like you either, get a life. Honestly, sometimes I don't like people either but if I truly admit to that, that just makes me look more of a disrespectful bitch, that's why I'm easy to get along with and like meeting new people unless you start shit with me. Ugh, no wonder why she's friends with Barbie Droid. -____- Girls like that need to change their attitudes before something happens. Or I'ma do somethin about it one day. You're not gonna like it.
♥ My World My Life
10:07 AM
♥ Thursday, June 10, 2010
"What has the world come to?"
If it's not you, I won't, I can't.....I don't wanna do it again...I don't wanna do it again.....Save me from all of these lies....There is no love, no one I can trust whatsoever! Outta all the guys I know, there isn't any that I trust fully 100%!!!! I wish there was one!!!! I really like them both but it seems like they don't know how to stop flirting with other girls!!! You guys are almost both adults so start growing up and starting acting like one!!! I know that there are immature adults that cheat and do stupid shit like that too but please don't make the population of people like them grow -___- I just wanna spend time alone with them both to see how things go....I just wanna see....I wanna kiss him this Saturday...should I surprise? Idk...
♥ My World My Life
4:26 PM
♥ Wednesday, June 9, 2010
"NEVER LIKE A GUY THAT DOESN'T LIKE YOU!!!"
I can't seem to freakin' stress that out enough to people and TO MYSELF. It's the only way you can maintain to yourself !!!
Learn from Ms. Park Gyuri !! LOL.
(Can't find the damn vid, cuz it keeps getting deleted)
♥ My World My Life
10:45 PM
♥
"When am I going to wake up?"
I woke up....and I was hoping that everything was only a nightmare....but it's not... =/
♥ My World My Life
6:42 AM
♥ Tuesday, June 8, 2010
"I feel like dropping everything"
Fuck this I HATE CRYING SO MUCH. I wanna forget about everything, why does life keep hurting me?! Why do ppl keep hurting me?! I just wanna forget everyone I knew and start a whole new independent life.
♥ My World My Life
10:01 PM
♥
"Mommy, Karma attacked me..."
Okay so now I just wanna get this summer school shit over with, I mean, why the hell was I so excited in the first place? I don't understand, there are hardly any cute guys at all....they're all so....UGLY!!! Most of them are black and hispanics wtf lol...Yes, I'm only into asian and white bois but anywayy not that I'm racist or anything they're just not my type. Well, some hispanics are okay but yeaaah haha. I mean first of all this summer school is in the way of me practicing on my ACT and shiz and now I can't even talk to the 2 guys I like :( CURSES!!! There is a couple of more benefits to it....cause like at least I'll be able to focus during the PM hours AND I won't look like the grudge trying to look like a normal girl -___-But hell, I just miss talkin' to ppl....and BLEH!! I got shiz to do tomorrow!!!!!! ER I MEAN TONITE WTF?! hahahaha. I just wanna hurry up and get this day over with already, I have a feeling this is gonna suck even though I'm complaining over a 11 day summer school class that's only 4 hours long in the after noon T__T but the class is boring and hardly anyone to talk to but A best friend lol. Yet, we can't even talk in class LOL. At least she lets us listen to our iPods and stuff....but still doesn't help since I can't focus if I listen to music 0_0Here we go an hour long lecture, along with working on worksheets and stufff.............ughhh.....I'd rather be a JYP, YG, Cube, or Pledis Trainee right now, practicing dance moves and practicing my vocal skills >.<
School is sucha pain, esp when your parents expect so much outta you and make you do things you just don't wanna do or feel like doing =/Someone save me...
♥ My World My Life
8:10 AM
♥ Monday, June 7, 2010
"I feel so nerdy and fobby...like back in the 'ol days"
Aigooooo SCHOOL WAS BORING!!!! No cute guys to talk to whatsoever!!!! AGHHH!!! NOOOO!!~ Just dumb slutty bitches to stare at xD I don't stare at them just saying. I got homework already wtf. I gotta catch up with ACT stuff too and wth he's not on.
♥ My World My Life
4:57 PM
♥ Sunday, June 6, 2010
"Am I a fool?"
.....And so....after realizing I have less than a week to get prepared for the upcoming ACT test, I start regretting on how much I procrastinated so much just because of friends and "lovers" =/ booo, damn facebook....-___-He contacted me on the 2nd day, tellin me to get on yahoo and said fool afterwards 0_0 dunno what that coulda meant but I think he either read the comments and might've gotten the idea or he just doesn't give a shit, but I really shouldn't be caring that much either.
♥ My World My Life
5:23 PM
♥ Saturday, June 5, 2010
"Being Asian just brought me up to a whole new level of inspiration!"
OMG WOW DEATH BELL IS JUST SIMPLY AMAZINGGG!!!!!
THE STORY IS SUCHA TWIST!!!! It totally catches you off guard once you understand the story later on at the end!!! Bleh I was almost in tears the whole entire time because of how scary & sad it was!!! Simply amazing, I cannot wait until DEATH BELL 2 Comes out!!!! AHHH JIYEON!!! ♥ GRRRRR. NAM GYURI IS AMAZING ALSO!!!This totally brought me to a whole new level of inspiration!!!MAN this is why my life revolves around Kpop and anything asian! I LOVE BEING ASIAN HAHAHA PROUD TO BE ONE TOO!!Man this also brought up a joke between my best friend and I too xDD!! I SOO GOTTA BRING IT UP SOON!
♥ My World My Life
12:23 PM