"Its. O-ver."
Mom, you're right, just one more year. I can do it, right? I will. As long as I have the strength, and courage I need and influence, I will survive and I'll make it. I just wanna get this over with right now. High school is sucha drag. But hey, there are still some memories that I'll never forget. Even though my first love MAY be a dick, but ...those memories are still there. =/ I won't forget the important people, even though I know that we're all gonna be leaving each other behind soon. One more year left until everybody goes their own separate ways, we'll be crying wondering when we'll ever meet each other again. But I think it's for our own good, we all have lives and goals to strive at. Even if high school isn't ending yet, I already feel like my friends are about to leave me....it's sad really. Two of my closest and best friends....a girl and a guy. The girl doesn't call me anymore like she used to,..ever since I dated my bf...and then she never really wants to hang out with me anymore either, on weekends and stuff she'd hang out with her old bestie who still is her bestie. The guy...it seems like he doesn't wanna have anything to do with me anymore....is it because he's having complications himself? Or is it because I dated my bf also...but he said he wouldn't judge me...but what's wrong then? ....He doesn't tell me things like he used to anymore...We don't laugh as much anymore, we don't say much anymore....I try my best to...but it's like almost whatever, because like my Dad said "Don't invest too much time with a friend who doesn't care about you because if they don't care then they're not your true friends" and then my mom brought up something too...the other day she said "Never fall in love with a person more than how they feel towards you, because your feelings will be cheated on" It's true. Always find the person who loves YOU more, and BE with them.
I was really upset when I woke up today with the dream that I had...First we didn't talk at all for like a day, then I messaged him....and he made up an excuse, the next day, somehow, we were at the hospital? & I saw him talking and laughing with his ex and I saw the way he looked at her...and I just ran off through the building crying constantly, I guess the reason why I went to the hospital was to see him because he told me he was gonna be there after he broke up with me through messaging -___- I woke up after that nightmare and I was like "WTF ...WTH WAS THAT SHIT?!" Yeah...
Today....Idk if I saw it wrong or not...but...it seemed like as if he was grabbing another girl's butt....like right when everybody was getting into the auditorium to see the talent show....and then when he sat down...It looked like he called her over and she leaned over from 2-3 seats away and kissed him....IDK IF THAT WAS RIGHT OR NOT! BUT I FREAKED OUT. He saw me, so then he came over and "offered" to sit next to me and I gave him a dirty look....Sometimes I may see the wrong things...I just don't know about this time. I just don't really care anymore, if he did that, he really doesn't love me. The thing is, I don't love him...I just really like him, but it still hurts to know that he would do that with another girl when he said I was the only one that he liked. LIES LIES LIES FULL OF LIES.
And here are song lyric quotes from different kpop songs that describe the situation I'm in & how I feel towards love, and friendship:
-"Saying that you love me/miss me/protect me/can't live without me, It's a lie. It's all lies."
"If you're leaving me like this, then why did you make a promise with me?"
"How did we become like this? How did we get to this point?"
"If you leave, what can I do?"
"How was this person originally? A person that leaves coldly"
-T-Ara [Lies]
"I dislike you more than the girl who has you, So I hate it when your eyes stare at me"
"I dislike you more than the painful memories, So I hate how you took my heart"
-Brown Eyed Girls [Da Ga Wa Suh aka Closer]
**I basically like the entire lyrics lol**
PS - I was drugged this morning. & I'm ready to step into a whole new world.