"Am I not Crazy Beautiful enough for you?"
Sometimes...I just don't enjoy the fact that whenever I date white guys...I always look down upon on myself...and then I make it feel and seem like the guy does it too. But I don't really know about that, of course in the past it's always been like that =/ BUT HEY I wouldn't be complaining about it and wouldn't be dating white guys if only there were more hot, korean or japanese or celebrity look-a-like asian guys out there...OR AT LEAST bring out the decent ones...WHO ARE FOBBY geez..all of them either act too white or too asian or are too nerdy, or are not good looking. Well around here anyway, and then the ones I wanna approach, aren't interested T_T eff you lol.
Since I couldn't get to see him today...I was really disappointed...hella disappointed.
I tried to hide that fact as much as I could, and it worked but couldn't get rid of how I was feeling...I mean he sent me a text on Saturday tellin' me he misses me so much and shit and that made me think that I was not lookin' forward to a 4-day weekend whatsoever, but hey I actually needed it for the ACT though but yeah anyway...so then I came back to school today, happily thinkin that I was gonna get to see him...and I felt like a god damn fool for thinkin that he'll be there and I'll be happy once I see him, but then he wasn't there. I have to admit, I was really upset and mad when I got home...I just kept thinkin' to myself..."If he really does love me the way he says, and misses me as much as he says...then he should've been at school just to see me...EVEN if he didn't feel like it or wtf ever.." Then Yeah...I started thinkin other krap too...like "I bet if that one chick went to our school and they were together, he would've been at school everyday no matter what" AND OMG that reminds me....when he dated his other ex..he used to be at school more often...but bleh he better not play that BS with me...>=[ It makes me feel like I'm being treated less than how he treated his ex's in the past...and I told him that too when I got a chance to talk to him, then he said that he wasn't like that...but Idk...Honestly...Idk..I'm not satisfied 100% I can tell ya that but...idk...damn...maybe this is why I said that I wanted to be single...FOR AWHILE holy hell, senior year I'ma be single lol. This shit is driving me crazy and it's hella distracting me, I'm not put out to be in a relationship. Sheesh. This shit sucks. But I'm not gonna worry anymore. I shouldn't be worrying. Bleh...honestly it doesn't even feel like we're together, by how he's acting, and by how I'm acting but that's because of him -___- Yeah sorry lol...I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. I just don't feel like he loves me like he says, I maen don't get me wrong, I really like him and I wanna give him a chance before he graduates and all and now that he's got the chance I really think he should take the advantage because first of all I'm VERY picky when it comes to relationships now, well I was back then too, and second of all, if he wants to gain my trust he's gotta prove things and shows that he really does care. I'm just neutral now though...him and I didn't get to talk long and I wasn't in the best mood to talk to him because I felt like I was being lied to...and that's not the best feeling in the world...and then..he told me he wanted me to be happy blah blah blah...IDK. It's just...whatever.
I'm sorry I'm not drop dead gorgeous jesus. I'm sorry I'm not a white girl gawd. GRRRRR.......-___________- UGH!
*holding the temptation of throwing things across the room*
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Love & Relationships are a bitch. :)