"Sorry, But you're in my playing field now, friends or not"
I'll be the one to overcome this. I don't have to have you with me whether you pity me or not. You're in my playing field now, so if you don't wanna call me or talk to me or hang out with me anymore, okay we can play it that way. I don't care anymore, I have other people I can talk to, I don't always have to talk to you. If you're gonna judge me for who I am or who I'm with then that's your loss. If you're gonna stop talking to me and stop having contact with me and shit, your loss also. I may be a person who hates losing friends and is always the one who cares about you and my other friends most in return but if you don't treat me like a real friend I don't wanna be wasting my time by investing too much time into trying to get our friendship back to the way it was since you seem like you don't want it that way. It's fine with me. After high school you won't see me anymore, we only have a year left, go be with other people. You'll regret it. Don't blame me because I wasn't the one that pushed you away in the first place, it's because you pushed me away. It's too pointless to talk things out now also because you won't listen to me, and all I ever get in return is the blame. The blame is always on me for not doing things right, I have a life, I have my own reasons too I don't need to be sucking up to you all the time. I hate it. I hate apologizing and doing things when I haven't done anything wrong. I'm not trying to say that I'm always right, and I'm also not the "greatest" friend that you'll ever have or even had, but at least I was there to listen to your stories and try and give you advice, and hung out with you whenever I got the chance so that we can build a stronger a connection and friendship. If you'd rather hang out with other people fine with me, I can do that too. People drift, and let's say that you guys are the drifters and I'm the loner. Maybe destiny has chosen for me to be independent and lonely throughout my entire life, if that's how it's gonna be then that's how it is. My feelings are getting played constantly my life, friends, and the opposite sex....I don't trust anybody anymore. No one. No one at all. Fuck it. Fuck it all. FML. I hate it, but I have to deal with it and I guess that's just how life goes. I pretend to act like I don't care and act like everything's okay but in the end I just get betrayed, it's like my own 'circle of life' and it sucks. I get bashed on, I get played with, I get talked on, I get gossiped about, I get stepped all over, I get stabbed in the back constantly, I get rumored on etc. It's alright. I know I fucked up a lot in my life, but seriously, do I deserve this? No I don't. At least I think that I don't, but if you guys think I do, why not just kill me then? If I died, I don't even think anybody would give a shit. Other than my family. Which is only my mom, dad, and little brother. Let's look at it and put it this way, we're playing a game, a very challenging game, it's like a group VS. 1 person game...I'm battling and battling and doing my best and trying to beat the game and win over the victory that I want, but I'm struggling, so either I continue on and battle the other team that's going against me because they don't like me or want me here, or I just give up and shut off the game.
I'll talk to people and say hi to people if they talk and say hi to me but I'm done saying hi or talking to the person if they don't say hi to me. I'll still be nice to people who I hardly talk to. But that's it. Starting Monday. I don't care. Thanks for the support........my....'friends'. =/
